We Are Santa's Elves!
by sawyerzelda
Summary: lz. Link and Zelda are 2 bickering coworkers at Santa's Toy Factory. What happens when Kringle decides it's time for them to become friends and orders them to take a trip to NYC? The mayhem! The unexpected discontinuation of the story!sry writers block
1. Just Dandy Co Workers

A/N: yes, i, sawyerzelda, have decided 2 write a christmas story. i can barely believe it. but alas, it IS my favorite holiday, so i must write a story about it! now--we all know link and zelda are elves. but SANTA'S ELVES?! gasp read on, everyone! AND HAVE A MEEEEEERRRRRY CHRISTMAS!!! (even if its not christmas yet, i want u 2 have a merry one eventually! and a white one at that) and i'm so sry that i keep on coming out w/ all these stories!! i should stop, but i just CAN'T!!!

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"Hmmm," sighed Link, scratching his chin and observing a small model train. "Hmmmm...."

Zelda rolled her eyes as she waited for Link to finish his inspection of her toy. She sighed impatiently as he rolled the train's small wheels with his index finger. Making more mutters, he wrote something down on the paper on his clipboard.

"No," he finally said.

"NO?!" Zelda cried out. "How could you possibly refuse THIS one?!"

"Well, mainly it's the paint job," Link pointed out. "Purple and pink polka dots look terrible together--and it doesn't go with your horizontally striped red-and-pink caboose, either."

"Oh, come on, Link!" Zelda barked. "What difference is that going to make to some ignorant three year old? WHO, IF I MAY REMIND YOU, IS COLOR BLIND!!!"

"Little Billy may be color blind, but the rest of the house hold isn't," Link told her. "Besides, the conductor's door doesn't open. It's supposed to. You used too much glue."

"Again?" Zelda asked, crestfallen.

"Again."

She sighed and picked up the train. "I guess trains just aren't my thing."

"Nope," Link said. "Train's are a man's work. Why don't you go back to making those 'mama' dolls?"

Zelda stared icily at him over her shoulder. "You mean my 'mama' dolls that said 'beware the pumpkin' when you pulled the string instead of 'mama'? And besides, aren't you the one who said my last futile attempt at a doll ended up looking like .... what's his name--that Michael Jackson person?"

Link thought for a moment. "Oh yeah, I did say that. Didn't I?" Zelda nodded, and he continued to think. "Perhaps you could go to making computers."

"Too technical."

"Um... how about toy boats?"

"What makes you think I can do a boat if I can't make a train?"

"Fair question." Link began to pace the room; Zelda watching him impatiently. Then he snapped his fingers. "I know! Even if you have color coordination problems, you've always been the artistic type, right?"

"Yeah..." Zelda prompted him.

"Then why don't you sketch kite designs?"

"Hm. Design kites..." Zelda thought aloud. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt."

"Great! Why don't you head on over to the department and get signed up?"

As Zelda turned to leave, she hesitated at the doorway. "I just have one question for you, Link."

"Yeah?"

"How are you at making trains?"

Link frowned. "Um.... I'm pretty good at it, I guess. Yeah, not bad. At least, I can make 'em better than you can," he assured her.

"Oh really?" she asked, seeing his uncomfortable manner as a dead giveaway. "Can I see one of them?"

Link stared at her, and she smirked. "Yeah, hold on a second," he finally said. He opened a cabinet and began rummaging around. "Um, yeah, it's right around here somewhere," he mumbled, as Zelda laughed inwardly. He grabbed a random train from a shelf and held it out. "There, ya see?"

Zelda took the train, and shook her head as she looked at it. "Sorry, Link, you struck out. This is Mido's train."

"It is not!!" Link huffed angrily.

"Yes, it is," Zelda argued back. "It has his trademark giraffe sticking its head out of the caboose. Ya idiot." She put down the train and glared at him. "I can't believe that you'd lie to me about something like this. It's against the rules to lie."

"I CAN make trains!!" Link shouted in frustration.

"No you can't!" Zelda shouted back. "The only reason you're head elf of this department is because you can't do anything! Your major in school was bossing everyone else around!!"

"COME ON, DON'T BE STUPID!!" Link yelled.

"BUDDY, I'M NOT STUPID!" Zelda retorted. "BECAUSE IF I WAS, I WOULDN'T HAVE GRADUATED AT THE TOP OF MY CLASS TWO YEARS EARLY!!!"

"YEAH, WELL I DON'T THINK YOU'RE SO--"

"Okay, you two," came a voice from the door.

Link and Zelda turned to face where the voice was coming from, and they both blanched. "Oh, hi, Santa," Link said nervously.

The man in red stalked towards the two of them, crossing his arms. "You two have been fighting again!" he accused.

"Why Mr. Kringle, what ever makes you say that?" Zelda asked, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Don't you act innocent with me, Missy!" Santa roared. "They can hear you all the way in the Planes, Trains, and Automobiles department!!"

Link and Zelda glanced at each other, neither wanting to say to the man in charge that they were IN the Planes, Trains and Automobiles department.

"Hey!! Look at me when I'm talking to you!!" Santa said to them. "I am Santa Claus, and it is my job to spread joy and good cheer. How am I supposed to do that with you two bickering all the time?! You should be FIRED for disobedience to the rules of Christmas!!"

"Santa, I can't help it if women are so edgy," Link pointed out. "Zelda's a right pain in the--"

"Quit your whining, buster!!" Zelda snapped.

"Both of you, ENOUGH!" Santa said. "I'm going to give you one more chance! And if you fail at it, Link, you will be replaced by Little Bunny Fufu!! And that is FINAL!!!" And with that, the fat old guy marched out of the room.

"How complimentary," Zelda said sarcastically. "You must have the I.Q. of a rabbit if Fufu's going to be replacing you."

"Watch your tongue, Zelda," Link said harshly. "If it wasn't for you, he wouldn't have even gotten mad at us in the first place!!"

"I NEVER START THESE FIGHTS, I ONLY FINISH THEM!!" Zelda screamed.

"OH, SO NOW IT'S MY FAULT?!" Link yelled.

"Oi, there they go again," sighed Malon, from the Arts & Crafts department. "Will they ever cease?"

"If I was Santa, I would send those two to Ganondorf at Halloweentown to teach 'em a lesson," Saria remarked, sewing together a Peter Pan costume.

"Brr, I think that'd be too harsh," Malon said, shivering. "Where's Halloweentown, anyway? I forgot."

"I think it's in Transylvania," Saria answered.

"Are you kidding?" Malon asked. "Ganondorf isn't stupid, and he wouldn't put a candy factory in Transylvania."

"Oh yeah, it's in Siberia," Saria said.

"That makes more sense."

-----------Later That Night---------------

Zelda collapsed onto her silk sheets. It had been another long day--she'd moved to the design department, and had had to spend her whole afternoon (and most of the evening) filling out sheets and requirement papers.

'Curse that Link!!' she thought to herself. 'I swear, I'll break down completely if he ever does something like that ever again!!'

"Zeldaaaaaaa, are you awake?" asked Malon, who happened to be her roommate.

"No," Zelda grumbled.

"Listen, if you're upset about Link, don't be," Malon said.

"What d'you mean?" Zelda asked, sitting up. "How can I help being upset? The man's a complete--"

"Dream," Saria (another roommate) sighed, looking wistfully up at the ceiling.

"Surely you must be joking," Zelda snorted.

"Come on, Zelda," Malon said with an impish grin. "Even if Link's rude to you, you have to admit he's the cutest guy to ever work up here."

"He is so NOT," Zelda grunted, crossing her arms.

Malon and Saria looked at each other, then smiled. "She likes him," they said in unison.

"Wh--I DO NOT!" Zelda insisted with annoyance. "How could I like a guy as--as annoying, rude, and quick-tempered as Link?!"

"Zelda, you're falling for the oldest trick in the book!" Malon laughed. "You're making yourself so obvious."

Zelda pursed her lips together and turned deep red. "Oh, FINE! He's sort of cute. Okay, cute. All right, he's really REALLY cute and if I didn't think he was such a detestable elf I'd have snatched him up by now there are you happy, Malon?!"

"Quite," Malon said, grinning.

"Oh, holy Christmas lights, I can't believe I just admitted that," Zelda pouted, pulling the covers way over her head. "Just--neither of you ever talk to me ever again!!"

--------Meanwhile, In A Room Down The Hall---------------

'Man, why is it always the cute ones who have to be so demanding?!' Link thought to himself. 'If she didn't insist on being so proud all the time, I would have asked her out by now. Girls! Sheesh!'

"Thinking again?" asked Mido.

"Yes," Link said.

"What about?"

"Nothing," Link answered rather quickly

"Zelda?"

"Yes. NO!" Link cursed inwardly as Mido laughed.

"Man, I can read you like a book," his roommate chuckled. "What is it that makes you guys fight so much anyway?"

"NONE of your business," Link insisted.

"Uh-huh....I'll bet there are some sparks flying when you two have your little spars, aren't there?" Mido asked, winking.

"Hey, just--what are you insinuating?!" Link demanded.

"You know, I can't stand the way girls think you're so cute," Mido said, picking at something under his fingernail. "You are so hard-boiled and mean. I think that's why Zelda's so attracted to you, perhaps--because from what I hear, that's what she is like as well."

"Oh yeah?" Link asked, snatching Mido's diary off of a nightstand and opening it up to the last page. His eyes widened. "And yet you still refer to her as a 'hot sexy babe that gives ..... Nicole Kidman a run for her money'? Who in the name of Kris Kringle is this Nicole Kidman?"

"Hey, man, don't use Santa's name in vain," Mido said seriously. "And Kidman is someone from America who works as, I think, an actress."

"And you know this how?" Link asked.

"I'm from the Motion Pictures department, remember?" Mido answered. "I take film reels and make them into tapes. I watch them from time to time."

"I see..." Link said, who had never taken the time to watch a movie before. He tossed Mido his journal back. "Well, Zelda may be .... good-looking, but she's no picnic and is sure a pain in the rear."

"Okay," Mido said, grinning and shutting of the light. "G'night."

"Night."

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	2. The Last Straw

A/N: here we go, another chapter already!

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"Erm, Link, we're having a bit of a problem with Zelda," said the head of the Kite Design department (named Joe--and yes, kites have their own dpt). "The only designs she seems capable of drawing are of you."

"Oh, really?" Link beamed. 'Ha, ha, so she DOES like me,' he thought, anticipating the thought of throwing it in her face. "That is certainly nice of her."

"Not r-really," Joe continued. He held up a few kites. "They're drawings of you getting stakes driven through your heart, reindeer pooping on you, and your body spontaneously combusting, etc."

"WHAT?!" Link shouted, taking the kites and glaring at them. "Oooh, she's gonna get it. I'm goin' to Kringle about this."

"But--but Link, surely you two can work this out!" Joe stammered. "I mean, she'll be fired if--"

"exACTLY," Link said, smirking. "When Santa sees these, he'll--"

"SO!! TRYING TO GET ME FIRED?!" Zelda shouted, poking her head into the room for the sole purpose of yelling at Link. "YOU HAVE GOT SOME NERVE, PAL!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WITH NERVE!!" Link yelled back. "YOU KNOW FINE WELL YOU COULD GET FIRED FOR DRAWING THINGS LIKE THIS!!"

"SANTA WOULDN'T FIRE ME IF HE KNEW WHAT A JERK YOU WERE!!" Zelda retorted. "HE DOESN'T LIKE HAVING CREEPS WORK IN HIS FACTORY, AND I REALLY OUGHT TO REPORT YOU!!"

"THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU?!"

"BECAUSE..."

Zelda was saved by the lunch bell. As soon as she heard it ring, she turned on her heel and stormed down the hall. Link wouldn't run after her, teasing her about why she didn't answer the question. He knew perfectly well that if she didn't eat lunch she'd be in an even worse mood, so he was perfectly willing to let her leave.

She was frustrated, because she couldn't think of a reason as to why she'd want to get Link fired. 'It's because if he was fired, you couldn't see him every day,' a voice inside of Zelda's head told her. 'You would probably never see him again!'

'Well, it's not like I LIKE him,' another voice argued.

'Yeah. Riiiiiiiiight.'

"MAN, SHUT UP!!" Zelda roared, banging her head on the wall nearest.

"Why, Zelda! Such language!!" scolded Mrs. Kringle, appearing at her side. "You know I have no tolerance for bad words!!" She clicked her tongue and walked away. "If I ever hear you say something like that again, you'll be out of here!"

Zelda moaned and continued on her way.

"Hey, girl," Malon greeted, walking up behind her. "How's your day going?"

"Awful," Zelda groaned. "First, Joe got upset when he saw my drawings at Kite Design, and he--"

"You weren't ....depicting 'The Kiss' on a kite again, were you?"

"No," Zelda sighed, rolling her eyes. "I just drew Link dying in several different ways. Is that so terrible?"

"Not if you don't work here," Malon decided. She bit her tongue to keep from teasing Zelda about Link, and said, "Well, what else has happened?"

"Link got all mad at me--"

"Now why should he do that?"

"--and threatened to have me fired," Zelda finished, ignoring Malon's sarcatic comment. "So naturally we started fighting again--"

"Naturally."

"--but the lunch bell rang mid-fight so I just stormed off in a huff in mid-sentence," Zelda stated.

"How anit-climacitc," Malon sighed. She clicked her tongue. "Oh well. What did you say to him?"

"Well, he asked if I thought he was such a jerk, why didn't I report him," Zelda said in a monotone.

"And then what?" Malon prompted her. "What happened after that?"

Zelda stopped and gazed wistfully out the window. "There was no 'then,'" she said quite over-dramatically. "And there is no after."

Malon stared at her. ".........................................I beg your pardon?"

Sighing, Zelda rolled her eyes. She hooked her arm through Malon's and they continued walking. "I started to answer him, but then the lunch bell rang so I stalked off."

"Ohhhhh," Malon said with understanding. "But what would you have said?"

"Said about what?" Zelda asked.

Malon gave her a weird look. "How would you have answered Link's question as to why you haven't attempted to get him fired?"

"Because..." Zelda said quietly.

"Because ya like him and you think he's cute," Malon supplied for her.

"I do not like him!!" Zelda said hotly, turning red as Malon giggled. "Sure, he's cute, who's gonna argue with that, but no one said I liked him!! I hate him!"

"Sure, sister," Malon laughed.

Meanwhile, walking just behind them...

'So, she thinks Link is cute, eh?' Mido thought to himself. 'Just wait until he hears this one!!!!' Then he threw back his head and laughed. "MUA HA HA HA HAAAA!!"

"MIDO!!" shouted Mrs. Kringle, once again appearing out of no where. "Evil laughter is strictly prohibited!! That is the second time this week, and three strikes you're out! GOT IT?!"

"Yes, ma'am," he said weakly.

"Hmph!" Nose in the air, Santa's wife shuffled off.

"What was the reason for the evil laughter?" Link asked Mido, walking up to him from around the corner.

"Ohhhhh, nothing," Mido said, grinning wickedly.

Link's brow furrowed. "Um, yeah, something's up with you. What is it?"

"I just overheard one of Zelda's conversations with Malon," Mido said casually. "And I heard her say something about you."

"Oi. What'd she say now?" Link sighed.

"She thinks you're cute."

"Ha ha. What'd she say?"

"I just told you."

Link stared at him. "C'mon, Mido, you gotta be work with me here," Link said. "Are you telling me the truth?"

"It's no lie, I guarantee," Mido said gleefully. "However, she also mentioned the fact that she hates you."

"Hm...." Link said, wondering how he could use this information to his advantage. "I wonder how I could use this information to my advantage..." .......... Then suddenly, he broke out into evil laughter. "BUA HA HA AHAAAA--"

"LINK!!" came the all-too-familiar shriek of Mrs. Kringle.

-----------------------------

"Zelda, I'd like to speak to you," Link said later that day in what she considered an uncharacteristically sweet voice.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to yell at me instead?" Zelda asked coolly.

"No, just talk."

"What about?" she asked, continuing to sketch a detailed design on kite paper.

"That's a pretty design you're making."

She glared up at him. "Don't tell me you came all the way over here just to pretend you liked something I've done when you hadn't even seen it yet."

"Well, it's just that I heard something interesting this afternoon and I was wondering if you'd care to say anything about it."

"Oh. Well if it's about that rumor about Rudolph's nose actually being green if you look too closely--it's not true."

"No, no, not that," Link laughed. "It's nothing like that."

"Well then what is it?" Zelda asked impatiently. She set down her pencil and stood up to face him. "I've got work to be done. I was doodling this whole morning .... as you know. And I need to catch up. Because of you, I almost lost my job today."

"I know," Link said calmly. "But at least you think I'm cute."

Zelda blanched and stared at him. "I....WHAT?" she asked him.

"Think I'm cute," Link repeated. "That's what you said. Who'd argue about my good looks, eh?"

"You....you....YOU FREAKISH JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Zelda shouted. "WHERE'D YOU COME UP WITH A SICK IDEA LIKE THAT?!"

"Hey, I'm just repeating what I heard this afternoon," Link said smugly in a sing-song voice. "It's what you and Malon were talking about."

Link felt ultimate triumph as Zelda cringed, turned deep red, and then ran out of the room, screaming, "MALON, I AM GONNA KILL YOU!!!!"

"Tsk tsk!" Mrs. Kringle said, trying to catch up with Zelda. "Death threats are against the rules!"

Not having heard the Mrs, Zelda ran next door to the Arts & Crafts department. She raced inside and found Malon quickly, who was busy cutting out hearts in red and green paper. "Oh, hi, Zelda, what're you--"

"DON'T YOU 'OH, HI, ZELDA' ME, MISSY!!!" Zelda shouted at her best friend. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOLD LINK WHAT I TOLD YOU IN STRICTEST CONFIDENCE, YOU TRAITOR!!"

"Hey, I didn't tell Link anything!" Malon retorted.

"THEN HOW DID HE KNOW WHAT I SAID?!" Zelda roared.

"STOP ACCUSING ME!!" Malon yelled, standing up.

"Um, I'm sorry, this is all my fault," Mido said, who had just arrived from the Motion Pictures department. "You see, I was listening in on your conversa--"

"YOU WERE EAVESDROPPING ON OUR CONVERSATION?!" Malon and Zelda screamed in unison.

"Erm, it wasn't on purpose, really," Mido said quickly. "But I was walking behind you, and you were talking rather loudly, and--"

"WE WERE TALKING IN WHISPERS!!!!" Zelda interrupted. When Link meekly walked inside the room as well, she turned on him. "LINK, YOU CREEP!!!"

"What'd I do?" he asked.

"YOU ARE SUCH A SELF-CENTERED SNOB!!"

"YOU'RE THE CREEP!" Link yelled back. "YOU'RE ALWAYS GETTING ON MY CASE FOR SOMETHING STUPID!!"

"YES, I GET ON YOUR CASE, BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS DOING SOMETHING STUPID!!"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN, ZELDA!! YOU'RE CONSTANTLY HARASSING ME FOR DOING THE LITTELEST THINGS, AND I CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY!! CAN'T YOU JUST LIGHTEN UP AND--"

"I think this conversation has gone quite far enough," came a deep voice from the doorway. Link and Zelda, dreading who it was this time, were none to happy when Santa Claus himself began walking towards them. "You two are a disgrace."

"See what you did?!" the two elves said to each other.

"You're both to blame, I'm afraid," Santa continued. "And I don't want to have to fire you two. You are both diligent workers, and it would be my loss if I let you go. In fact, when you're not around each other, you are perfectly nice elves. So I think what you two need is a sabbatical."

"A sabbatical?!" Link asked in shock.

"It means time off," Zelda snorted.

"I KNOW what it means," Link growled.

"I think that's a great idea, Mr. Kringle," Zelda said. "I think a break from Link would really do wonders for me."

"That goes double," Link muttered under his breath.

"Ah, well, I think that would be very nice, too," Santa laughed. "However, I am going to have to insist that you and Link spend a holiday together .... in New York. Should be very nice this time of year, I think .... go over to the Sabbatical office and they'll set you up right away."

Link and Zelda stared at the man as if he were crazy.

"Have you gone completely, utterly mad?" Link asked him.

"I think you have, for calling the boss such things," Mido pointed out.

"Mr. Kringle, with all due respect, I don't think it's a very good idea to send Zelda and Link off on a romantic escapade together," Malon said. "They might kill each other."

"Oh, I won't have to worry about that," Santa assured her. "Since you and Mido are somehow wrapped up in all this mess, I'm going to send you down there to check up on them once a week--just to make sure there are no broken bones or missing limbs. Thank you, and good-bye."

"Wait a minute, once a week?" Link asked. "How long do I have to keep my sanity alone with this woman?!"

"A month," Santa responded. "Starting tomorrow; December first. Perhaps by then you two will have sorted out all this. As for you, Malon and Mido, you may accompany them to the Sabbatical Office." Then the man turned around and marched back out the door.

"I think he's gone completely, utterly mad," Mido grumbled, as the four of them walked towards the Sabbatical office.

"I cannot believe I just landed a vacation with Link," Zelda moaned miserably to Malon. "Of all the elves..."

"Do you realize that the others would kill to take your place?" Malon asked her. "Including myself .... a month alone with Link doesn't sound bad to me."

"Yeah, but Malon, he's not a complete jerk to you like he is to me," Zelda whined. "What Santa said was right--when we're alone we're so much better, but together--"

"You pout, you cry, you shout, I'm tellin' you why .... 'cause you hate each other," Malon remarked. "Maybe it'll be okay, Zelda. I mean, what's the harm in it? Maybe you two can heal the wound you've created."

"Malon, please don't ever attempt to use metaphors again."

"Sorry."

"I think you should apologize to her," Mido said to Link.

"What? ME? Apologize to HER? You're crazy," Link muttered.

"No, I'm not. If you two start this thing off on the wrong foot, things are just going to go downhill."

"Mido, in case you haven't noticed, it's impossible for me and Zelda to start a conversation without having it end in shouting and yelling."

"Yyyeah, but maybe it's just the stress of the job," Mido pointed out. "It's like the big man said--I've caught Zelda alone before." When Link stopped and raised his eyebrows, Mido frowned and immediately said, "Alone as in not around you."

"Ohhh. Continue."

"And she really is nice," Mido said honestly. "And I know you're the same way. Besides, look at her--ever see an elf around here prettier than her?"

"Looks really shouldn't have anything to do with it, especially when you've got a heart of ice," Link said bitterly. He glanced over his shoulder at Zelda, who was deep in conversation with Malon and didn't notice. He kept staring at her, fixated, but was brought rather roughly back to earth when he crashed into the wall.

"Okay, lover boy, you just missed the turn here," Mido said in a mocking tone. "Take your eyes off her and keep 'em on the hallway."

Link shook his head and kept walking. "At least she didn't see me."

"I think Link was just staring at you," Malon said.

"Of course he was," Zelda snorted. "Why shouldn't he be, he must be unbelievably angry with m--"

"No, he was like, looking at you," Malon said. "Not as if like hated you, but as if he was, erm, interested."

"Good one," Zelda laughed. "But I don't think it's at all possible for Link to possess any feeling for me at all."

"Don't discredit yourself so much," Malon said, as they drew closer to the Sabbatical Office. "You're pretty, Zelda."

"Why, thank you."

"No, really, you are. It's possible that Link thinks at least that."

"Well, I admit he's cute, but that doesn't mean I like him. So may be thinking the same thing about me," Zelda said.

"You go up there with Link and get your passes. I'll wait behind you with Mido," Malon said, pushing Zelda forward and grabbing Mido's elbow. As soon as Link and Zelda were busy telling the man at the desk their orders, Malon said to Mido, "What did he say?"

"We're getting no where," Mido sighed. "It's still denial."

"Yeah, that's what I got, too," Malon sighed. She giggled. "Honestly--those two are so immature!"

--------------------------------

Zelda sighed and flopped down on her bed. She twisted her head slightly to glance at Saria, who was kneeling on top of her covers, punching her pillow.

"No matter--what--I do--always--PILLOW HAIR!!" Saria shouted between punches. "RRRGH!!"

"So Zelda, looking forward to tomorrow morning?" Malon teased.

Zelda moaned. Tomorrow morning, Link and Zelda were to report outside. Santa would be waiting there for them with a sleigh, pulled by four reindeer. That's where they'd be recieving tedious details about their trip; e.g. where exactly they would be staying in New York.

'At least Malon will be there occasionally to save me from insanity,' Zelda thought to herself. But then, maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad. Maybe she and Link could work out the kinks, find out why they came up, and become friends. 'Oh, man, now I know I'm dreaming!'

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A/N: soooooooooo, how is it? ok? plz review, i need reviews 2 continue this story!!


	3. Crash Landing

A/N: Okay, relatively short chapter, but don't shoot me. School starts tomorrow! NO!!! And sorry I haven't updated for a while, I was sort of "banned".

-------------la----------------------

"Okay, you two," said Santa, when Link and Zelda arrived at his sleigh early the next morning. "Until this time, January First, you two will be spending time together at this residence." He handed a slip of paper to Link that had an address written on it.

"We aren't gonna be in like, the same room or anything, are we?" Zelda asked.

"Of course not, that would be quite the scandal," Santa pointed out. "It's a small apartment, with two bedrooms and a kitchen. I'm sure it will be quite comfortable, and it's a small enough place to ensure a good friendship between the two of you before your return."

"Please, don't get your hopes up," Link said, as Zelda climbed into the sleigh. "Say, is that a twinkle in your eye?"

"No, don't be silly, boy," Santa chortled (although his eyes WERE twinkling). He laughed merrily, patting his belly that resembled a bowl full of jelly. "Have a good time, Link, Zelda."

"Wait a minute, where are you planning on this thing to land?" Zelda asked. "I do think people would find it odd to see a reindeer-pulled sleigh crash onto a street in New York City."

"Don't worry, Blitzen's got the perfect place for you to land," Santa said, patting the back of the sleigh. Then he snickered evilly as the sleigh pulled off.

"Don't snicker like that," the Mrs. scolded him, coming out of no where. "You'll set a bad example!"

"Sorry."

"Where do you reckon Blitzen's landing this thing?" Link asked a short while later.

"I haven't the slightest idea," Zelda sighed. She glanced at the reindeer in front of her. "Is that Comet up there with him?"

"Yeah, I think so," Link said. "At least we don't have that annoying Rudolph thing. I can't stand him; he thinks he's so much better than all the others."

"I know, that stuffed up deer!" Zelda laughed. "Did you see that movie the Americans made about him? I think they did it forty years ago or something--but it was so sad, because all the elves looked the same! They were all geeks and just ....clones!"

"How rude!" Link said in mock annoyance. Zelda laughed, and he thought, 'This isn't going so bad so far ....'

He looked out over the edge of the sleigh, watching all the scenery as it flew past beneath them. Huge groups of mountains, giant bodies of water, and immense forests went by one right after the other. Link had never seen anything like it before.

"Hey, Zel, take a look at this!" he whispered. When she didn't respond, he glanced over his shoulder at her. Then he realized that she was fast asleep.

Zelda was curled up in a little ball, with a heavy blanket wrapped loosely around her. Her breath came out in small, even bits, and she subconsciously pulled the blanket tighter around her.

Link hesitated. Now that he knew she was sleeping, he was afraid that any movement might cause her to wake up. He stared at her, and couldn't help thinking, 'She doesn't seem so foreboding when she's asleep ...' Then he shook his head and looked out across the sky again.

It wasn't much later until Link had fallen asleep, too. However, it wouldn't be for long, because their sleigh was about to land at its destination.

Opening her eyes slowly, Zelda noticed that there had been a definite decrease in altitude. She nudged Link, and said, "I think we're preparing to land."

"Where are we?" he asked.

"I don't know, we have to get closer," she answered.

Then suddenly, with a crash, the sleigh landed roughly in the middle of what appeared to be a vast, low field. Link's eyes widened when he saw several small animals dart behind a clump of bushes and a group of rocks.

"Um...Zelda?" he said. "I think I just saw some deer."

"Okay. Now I really am confused .... Blitzen, where ARE we?"

The reindeer nodded his head at a small sign on a fence nearby. Zelda squinted until she was able to read the small print.

"Deer Park?! What kind of place is th--"

Then Link and Zelda both heard a loud humming sound from behind them. They twisted around to see what it was, and saw none other than a large monorail, bearing the words, "Bronx Zoo" on the front of it.

"What IS that thing?" Link asked.

"I don't know, but there are people in it," Zelda said in confusion. "What're people doing in a deer park?"

"Mommy, there are people down there," a three-year old girl on the monorail said, her face pressed to the glass. "I want to go down there!"

"HEY! There aren't supposed to be people in the deer park!!" yelled the driver of the monorail. She pulled the brakes, and stuck her head out as far as she could, and yelled, "What're you doing in there?!"

"I don't know!" Zelda shouted back. "Our reindeer landed here! We didn't mean to disrupt the .... peace, or whatever."

The driver took a moment to stare at them. She saw the two reindeer, the large sleigh (complete will bells on the side), and the two people wearing odd elf-like looking outfits. "What is this, some kind of prank?"

"No," Link answered.

"Listen, I don't know what you guys are doing down there, but you're in big trouble!" the driver screamed. She got a walkie-talkie out of her pocket, and said, "Bob? Yeah, I got a couple troublemakers down in the deer park .... uh-huh. Looks like they might be elf drunkies who just got off their shift at the mall or something .... yeah, take care of 'em, would you? Thanks. Over and out." Then she cleared her throat, and, addressing Link and Zelda said, "This'll teach you!" And with that, she huffily drove off; everyone on the monorail staring at the elves until they were out of sight.

"What the heck is that lady's problem?" Zelda asked.

"Obviously we landed in some forbidden area," Link said, hopping out of the sleigh and walking towards the reindeer. "Blitzen, WHY did you land here?"

"He's not going to answer you, Link," Zelda sighed, also getting off the sleigh. "He's a deer .... hey, a deer! Maybe he grew up here or something." Blitzen nodded, and Zelda sighed. "Well, that settles that. But Blitzen, the next time you think about landing in a highly public place--don't."

The two elves got their luggage out of the sleigh, and when they turned around, they saw two gentlemen in blue walking towards them.

"All right you two, freeze and put your hands UP IN THE AIR!"

What followed was a rather ugly situation in which Link and Zelda were grabbed by Zoo officials and dragged kicking and screaming into a small off-road vehicle. Nobody even noticed Comet and Blitzen flying away, because if they had .... well, it would've been awkward.

"Didn't you two have a sleigh and couple of deer with you before?" one of the workers asked a few minutes later, as they drove towards the exit.

"Yeah, we did," Link said, turning around to see if they were still there. "How do you like that, Zelda? They abandoned us!"

The worker turned to his partner and muttered, "We'll have to look for them later then, I guess."

Before they got kicked out of the park entirely, Link pulled a small slip of paper out from under his hat. It was the thing Santa had written their address on. "Excuse me, sir, but do you know where we could reach this place?"

The guy stared at it, then said, "It's two blocks down, then three over. If you had your reindeer with you, I'd say you could ride them, but ..." He and his partner chuckled.

"Very funny," Zelda sneered. "C'mon, Link, let's go."

"Yeah, and while you're at it, you might want to get out of those costumes!"

Fuming, Link and Zelda walked away with annoyance as the two park workers roared with laughter behind them. "Honestly," Link grunted. "You'd think neither of them had seen deer-driven sleighs before!"

"They probably haven't," Zelda sighed, hoisting her bag higher up on her shoulders. "And is it just me, or are a lot of people staring at us?"

It was hard not to. You see, while the only resemblance Link and Zelda had to elves were their ears (e.g. they were of normal height), they were dressed rather oddly (hence, the zoo dude's comment). Link was wearing his green hat and tunic as usual, complete with the tights and the boots (sort of like he always does, in the game); and Zelda was wearing a red hat with a feather in it, and a red dress with pink feathers on the sleeves that was cut off at the knees.

To say the least, both looked utterly ridiculous.

Then Zelda saw something fall out of her bag. She bent down to pick it up, then gasped in surprise. "Hey, it's a letter! From Santa!"

"What does it say?" Link asked, while she was opening it.

"'Dear Kids,

By the time you get this letter, you will have probably landed in the Deer Park already. Blitzen picked out the spot and I agreed to it, only because it was so close to where you will be staying (I hope you didn't get in any kind of trouble). If there were any mishaps in your landing, tell Malon and/or Mido about it when they come to check in tomorrow. Then they can tell me and I'll fix any problems for future adventurers.

You may have noticed that people in America tend not to dress in what you would consider normal attire. I recommend you visit a department store or a mall as quickly as possible--those are those tall, fat buildings that people go in with nothing and come out with a load of bags. There will probably be Christmas decorations in the windows of these malls, so they should be easily identified. If you wish for a fashion consultant, I'd suggest postponing shopping until Malon arrives. As you may already know, Zelda, she majored in America fashions and designs before changing her mind at the last minute to do art instead. I'm sure she'd be eager to help you out.

While you are staying in the Bronx, I want you to do your missionary work in Manhattan. Any local Joe can tell you how to get there. What do I mean by missionary work? Spread Christmas spirit! Make friends, sing carols, give out candy canes, raise money for starving children in Africa, and oh yes .... GET ALONG! If not for your own good, do it to satisfy me.

I wish you good luck, and I am eager for your return to hear about everything.

Your employer, Kris Kringle

P.S. I may check up on you on Christmas Eve if you're not asleep.'"

"Wow," Link breathed, as they turned a corner. "Missionary work? I think Mido did that once."

"Hey, you two! WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!"

Link and Zelda looked up to see a red-headed guy jumping in front of them and preventing them from walking into the street. Zelda glared at him. "Excuse me sir, but kindly remove your arm from my shoulder!"

"Sorry," he said. "But you two almost walked right into the busiest four way intersection in the Bronx! Didn't you see the light change to green?"

"Light?" asked Link.

"Green?" Zelda asked.

The man stared at them. You see, while Link & Zel had learned all about cars, roads, cities, blocks, and streets, no one had ever told them about stop lights before.

"Yeah," the man who had stopped them said slowly. Then he spoke to them in a mock voice as if he were speaking to pre-schoolers. "When the light turns green, it means the cars move. When the light turns red, they stop. That's when you walk."

"Oh!" Zelda laughed. "I never knew that! Did you know that, Link?"

"Nope."

The man stared at them, shook his head, then walked away.

"Oh dear," sighed Zelda, as they carefully crossed the street with everyone else. "How confusing! He said you cross when it's green, right?"

"No, when it's red."

"Oh...right, I knew that. I was just testing you."

A few minutes later....

"This must be it," Link said, letting down his bag on the floor of their apartment.

"Not too shabby," Zelda decided, putting down her bag as well and looking around. She walked into the other room. "I'll sleep in here," she said.

"Okay, I guess that means I have this bed," Link muttered to himself, taking his bag and moving it to the nightstand. "Zelda, do you want something to eat?"

"Yeah, su--WOW! Link, look at this place!!"

And the rest of the afternoon was spent marveling at the kitchen and it's many wonders.

---------------ta da!-----------------

A/N: Please review; it would make me happy!!


	4. M 'n' M Visit

A/N: ah yes, the great shopping chapter! i know it's been a while since this has been updated. and i promise that the legend of zelda is next for a new chapter!! yee-haw!

-----------------------

"How exciting this is!" Malon squealed, bouncing in the back seat of a taxi cab. "I've never been shopping in New York, only Montana!"

"Well, I just want to see how Link and Zelda are doing," Mido said.

"Oh, Mido, they've only been together one day and one night," Malon sighed. "I'm sure that no murder has yet been committed."

Mido laughed sourly as they got out of the taxi, paid the driver, and walked up to the door of their friends' apartment building.

"Hey, look," said Malon, pointing to Link and Zelda's name written on a little tab next to the number F18. "This is cool!" She pushed the button next to their names, and said, "Zellie!"

"At last you guys are here!" she heard Zelda say through the intercom. "Please, come right on up."

"We can't," Mido said. "The door won't open."

"Oh... I think I have to press something or something ...." Zelda muttered. "Oh, here we go." She pushed a button, and a buzzing noise filled the hallway Mido and Malon were standing in. "Go in, now."

"See ya in sec," Malon said, as she and Mido went through the door.

"Hey guys!" Zelda said, when their two friends showed up. She hugged Malon, and Link went to shut the door. "Man, it feels like it's been forever .... and yet we've only been here just over a day."

"Yeah, funny," laughed Mido.

"You guys have conformed to the American ways!" Link gasped, shocked. "Your clothes are all messed up!!"

"Yeah, Link is actually right for once," said Zelda. "Where are the feathers? The frills, the sequins?"

"Oh, that," Malon said, putting her hands into her denim pockets. "We're already in our American garb, and you should be, too. That's our assignment for this week. We're supposed to help you go clothes shopping, so you don't go around scaring people when you're supposed to be doing missionary work."

"Oh yeah, that's what ol' Santa said in his letter," said Link, picking up the epistle just mentioned. "I hope you guys know where to go...?"

"We got your back," Mido said, exchanging grins with Malon.

--One Hour Later--

"Wow, I'm never going on another subway again," Zelda groaned, as they walked up the steps from underground. "That was gross--especially the part where that guy dropped his pizza on the floor but picked it up and ate it again anyway."

"Well, you'd better get used to it," sighed Link. "The way I figure, it'll be a lot easier to take the subway than a taxi."

"Link, we're commuting using taxis."

"Subway."

"TAXIS."

"WE'RE TAKING THE FREAKING SUBWAY, ZELDA!"

"NO, WE'RE--"

"Please!" Malon begged in a soft voice. "It's bad enough that to these people you look as if you just got off the Rockette Line, so could you please try to keep your voices down? Do you two have to fight about everything?"

"Yes," the elves in question answered.

"Give it a rest, Malon," said Mido, rolling his eyes. "Why, look! Here we are already. Link, Zelda, I'd like you to meet the grand and glorious mall." (A/N: which, at the moment, is unnamed).

"Woah, what IS this place?" Zelda asked worriedly, watching people come out laden with dozens of bags.

"It's a place where everyone goes shopping," Malon explained, taking Zelda's hand and leading her into the building. "And since it's Christmas, they're rushing around everywhere to buy presents for people. See?"

"Uh...right...so where are we going?"

"I guess any place that sells clothes; let's look on here," said Malon. The three of them stopped in front of a large map of the place.

"Does the Disney store sell clothes?" asked Link.

"Yes, for six-year olds," answered Mido. "C'mon Link, I'm taking you upstairs to Dogland Dank."

"Dogland?" Link repeated blankly, as Mido dragged him towards the stairs. "But wouldn't that sell stuff for dogs?"

Mido sighed heavily. "My good friend, you have much to learn."

Malon laughed and took Zelda's arm. "Come on, Zellie. Let's head up to the third floor. That's where Frabercombie And Sitch is."

"Fraber-what?" the very confused Zelda asked.

"You'll see."

Malon nonchalantly stepped onto the escalator, but realized that Zelda was still standing at the bottom. She sighed impatiently and said, "Zel, just get on!"

Hesitantly, Zelda set a foot on the moving stairway. She grabbed onto the rail firmly, fearing for her life. She'd heard of these devices, but had never physically been on one before. A group of intolerant tourists walked around her with annoyed looks on their faces.

"Okay, when you get to the top, just step of normally," said Malon, waiting for Zelda to join her on the landing.

Taking a deep breath, Zelda stretched her leg far out in front of her, and stepped onto the next floor with not that much grace. "Phew! I made it! But next time, I'm taking the stairs. Link got off easy doing it that way."

"Well, since you're going to be here for a month, I thought you should start to get used to escalators," Malon said simply. "Stairs will get quite energy-draining and tiring after a while, I'm sure."

"Whatever you say..."

Zelda was overwhelmed when she and Malon walked into Frabercrombie. "Holy igloos!" she cried upon seeing the posters of practically naked people on the wall. "Malon, shield my virgin eyes!!"

"Zel, it's fine, just ignore the posters," Malon said, yanking Zelda's hand off her eyes. "Just put all your focus on the clothes."

"Right, right, the clothes," Zelda said, looking around at the racks around her. "Ewww! I can't wear any of this! They're so nerdy looking!"

"You have to fit in, Zelda," Malon said calmly. "Meaning, you have to wear what everyone else here does. You see--"

"Um, excuse me, Miss?" Zelda said, tapping a passing woman on the arm, who happened to be wearing a large mink coat. "You should be kind to animals, not wear them."

"Zelda, focus," Malon growled, taking her friend's elbow and pulling her away. "I can see that I am going to have to pick out your wardrobe for you. Fortunately I've been tutoring Mido in the ways of American fashion, so he should be able to help Link well enough. I hope."

Zelda looked frightened at the amount of clothes Malon had grabbed in just the course of ten minutes.

"Okay, Zelda?" Malon said, staggering under the weight of all the attire she was carrying. "You see that sign that says Ladie's Dressing Room? We're gonna head over there, okay? That's right, just over there."

Uneasily, Zelda stepped cautiously into the dressing room. Malon nodded her head towards the open door in front of them, and Zelda went in. "What're we doing in here?" she asked, once Malon dropped the load of clothes and locked the door behind them both.

"You're going to get out of that get-up," Malon replied. "You go ahead and undress, and I'll--"

"Malon! I'm not going to--"

"Oh for Santa's sakes, I'm not going to look at you!" Malon snapped. "I'll just assemble proper ensembles for you, and you can try them all on."

"Uh, okay," Zelda stammered, pulling her shirt up over her head.

"I hope I got the right sizes," Malon muttered to herself, scattering out some of her options. "Hmmm...." She picked up a brown seude sweater and set it apart from the rest of the group. Then, searching carefully, she selected a pair of black denim pants. "Here," Malon said, pointing to the out fit she had created. "Put that on."

"Okay," Zelda said, undoing the straps of her black sandals. She put on the sweater and zippered it up. Then she took the jeans and put them on as well. It took a lot to keep Zelda from screaming when she looked in the mirror. "Malon!"

"What is it?" Malon asked, standing up and brushing loose hair out of her face.

"It's these pants! They're clinging to my legs!"

"Of course they are, silly," Malon said, rolling her eyes. "They're like tights, only not. They're thicker and warmer. Geez, haven't you ever worn pants before?"

"No, just tights and skirts."

"Oh. Well, that would explain your uneasiness." Malon looked over Zelda's shoulder in the mirror and put her tongue between her teeth. "Hmm...we need to pull your hair back, hon."

"Pardon me?"

"Your hair. It doesn't go well with these clothes when it's down like that."

"It...doesn't?"

"No," Malon answered. She saw a rubber band on the ground and picked it up. "This will do nicely."

"What is that?" Zelda asked nervously, as Malon carefully pulled Zelda's hair back into a long ponytail.

"Relax, it won't kill you," Malon said, putting the hair through the rubber band. She looked at it a moment longer, then tied it into a bun. She smiled. "Ah, that's much better, Zelda."

"What did you DO to me?!" Zelda cried, running a hand where her hair had formerly laid. "I feel so bare!"

"You look fabulous, don't sweat," Malon said. "Okay.... here we go, take of that suede. Put on this leather, I wanna see if it looks okay on you."

--Meanwhile--

"Leather?" Link asked, as Mido held it out to him.

"Yup," Mido responded. "Girls here dig guys in leather."

"What girl could I possibly care around here that I want to impress?"

"Oh, I dunno," Mido said, putting his hands in his pockets. "Maybe .... Zelda?"

"Would you shut up about that?" Link sighed. "Just because Zelda and I must stay in the same apartment for a month doesn't mean any romantic goings-on will ... go on."

"Right, of course," Mido said, clearly not believing him. He picked up a fedora and then headed for the dressing room. "Follow me, pal." Mido took him to a small changing cubicle and handed Link all the clothes he'd found. "Here you go. Go on and try different stuff. Just show me the result before you change out of it."

"Uh....okay," Link said, closing the door behind him with his foot.

--

"Zelda, I'll be right back," said Malon. "I gotta go to the bathroom. I left out some other good outfits for you, okay?"

"Uh, okay..."

Malon slid out of the dressing room and got out a small walkie-talkie. "Mido, do you read me?"

"Like a book," came the answer.

"Listen--in exactly thirty minutes, get Link out there with as many clothes as you can buy. Then go to the nearest bathroom and tell him to change into the hottest get-up he has, okay? If you must help him choose such an ensemble, do it. Okay?"

"Um, okay....why?"

"Because, twit, Link and Zelda can't go on walking around in elf attire," Malon explained. "Plus, if they're both looking their best, maybe we can get a couple sparks going. You think?"

"I doubt it. I'm seriously beginning to think that my pal over here has no interest in Zelda."

"Mido, don't be stupid. Of course he does. He's just totally in a state of denial, and you know it. Okay?"

"Right."

"Bye; see you in a half an hour. Outside of the Disney store, kay?"

"Okay; bye."

"Whaddyou think?" Link asked, stepping out of his dressing room. Mido seemed rather impressed that he'd come up with something so good-looking on a first attempt. Slightly baggy jeans with black sneakers, a brown T-shirt, and a leather jacket on top of that. "Is this...okay?"

"It looks fine," Mido said, trying to suppress a laugh. "I'm sure Zelda will go just ga-ga over it."

"Who cares?" Link snorted, not quite able to conceal a blush. "I had to study an old catalog someone left in here to make sure I was doing this right. Pretty smart, huh?"

"Yeah, real genius."

--Thiry Minutes Later--

"Wow, Malon, we spent so much money," Zelda said worriedly, looking at their reciept. "Two hundred?"

"Zelda, two hundred is nothing," Malon laughed. "Especially compared to what these Americans pay. That's actually a pretty good price. Besides, Santa gave us all the money. Our quota was eight-hundred, so Mido and I split it in two. So we still have two hundred left. Calm down."

"Okay..."

"Right. And now that we've bought these clothes, you need to change out of the ones you're wearing, and into some of these." Before Zelda could complain, she pulled her into a (remarkably) empty bathroom.

Zelda took one of the many shopping bags they had and went into a stall.

"Make sure you take off the tags," Malon called to her. "The last thing we need is for you to get arrested for shop-lifting."

"Okay, right..."

A few minutes later, she came out of the stall wearing the exact same outfit I described earlier in this chapter (the one with the denim and suede).

"Ah yes, lovely," Malon said with an insidious grin, rubbing her hands together. "C'mon, I told the guys we'd meet them outside of the Disney store."

Link and Mido, meanwhile, were already there waiting. "Oooh, who's that hot girl next to the one with red hair?" Link asked, leaning towards Mido.

"That, my friend, would be Zelda. Standing next to Malon."

"....oh."

-----------A/N--------------

ha ha ha ha!! link got tricked and admitted he thought zelda was hot!! nyeh heh heh!! in the next chapter, u'll find out exactly what she thinks about him.


	5. American Slang, Yo

A/N: woot, woot! go christmas! only 12 days away! shoot, that means I will not be done in time! that had been my original plan. '

--------------------

Mido snickered as Malon and Zelda walked towards them. "Hey, Zel!" he called out. "Link says that--"

"--you take way too much time shopping for petty things like clothes," Link interrupted, giving Mido's arm a hard punch.

Frowning, Mido rubbed the spot Link had hit. "Well, excuse _me_," he muttered.

"Forgive us if we were passionate about fitting in around here," Zelda said. "I don't want to walk around with people thinking we're total weirdos."

"Oh NO!" Malon suddenly gasped.

"What is it?" Link and Zelda asked in unison.

"Mido, they're both wearing leather!" Malon cried. Her hands flew to her face in terror. "Oh, the _horror!_"

"What's the matter with us both wearing leather?" Link asked. "Is it against the law or something?"

"Geez, of course not," Mido sighed. "You two will just look funny to people if you walk around in the same material. It will look stupid."

"_You _change," Zelda and Link said to each other at the same time.

"Leather looks way better on guys than it does on women," Link said. "Besides, it's cold outside. I need a jacket."

"Fine," Zelda said, sticking her tongue out at Link. She dug into her clothes bag. "Because I spent 'such a long time' shopping, I was prepared and I have more than one jacket to put on." She slid the leather one off, and took a crimson red one out of a bag. Zelda yanked off the price tag, and put it on. "Voila."

"Hm, not too shabby," Mido said, nodding. "In fact, if you ask me, red suits you better than black."

"Red makes me feel all Christmas-y inside!" Zelda said happily, twirling around in a small circle. "So I'm one up on you, Link."

Before another argument could start, Malon stepped between Link and Zelda. "Ha ha, well, that was nice. Why don't mosey over to the food court and get something to eat, hmmmmmm?"

"Er, okay," Zelda said, pulling her elbow out of Malon's tight grip.

The four of them walked past a store emitting very annoyingly loud music. Zelda paused in front of it briefly. "Abercrombie?" she asked. "Isn't that where we just came from, Malon?"

"No, dear," Malon said, looking at the store in disgust. "We came from _Fr_abercrombie. Big difference."

"Um...oh." Suddenly Zelda's eyes widened in embarrassment. "Oh my Kringle! Malon! EWWWWW! Look, there's a guy in there _without a shirt on!!_"

(yes, life in the North Pole is very sheltered).

"A pedophile!" gasped Link. "He's posing for a picture with those little girls! How disgusting! How degrading!"

"That is rather disturbing, isn't it?" Mido asked. "I mean, knowing that I'd be much better at that job than that guy." Afer Malon gave him a withering look, he quickly added, "I mean, uh ... that store should be put out of business!"

"Ooh, look!" Malon suddenly gasped. "Camouflage pants! How awesome!"

Completely forgetting the conversation that had just taken place, Malon ran eagerly into Abercrombie.

"What--Malon!" Zelda called after her. "What's wrong with you?!"

"She's entered the store of evil!" Link cried in dismay. "Someone has to go in and rescue her!"

"I'll do it," Zelda sighed.

"Why?" Link countered suspiciously. "So you can have an excuse to go in there and pose with a hunky model?!"

"Link, stop being jealous," Zelda teased, before disappearing into the store. Once inside, she tried desperately to avert her eyes from the scandalous wall posters and find her friend. "Malon? May, where are you?"

"Zelda? You didn't need to come in after me," said the red-head. "I just wanted to buy these awesome pants."

"Malon! You are putting those pants down, and coming with me! Right! Now!"

Zelda grabbed her friend by the arm and started pulling her towards the exit.

"Dude, I can't leave without paying for these," Malon said.

"You're not buying them. You'd be a walking advertisement for this store and all it stands for!"

"Come on, it's just one pair of pants."

Releasing her hold on Malon, Zelda bent down and picked up a catologue that someone had dropped. She flipped through the pages, a clear look of disgust on her face. "Malon, look at this magazine! It's like... Playboy for shy people!"

"Playboy?" Malon asked. "What's that?"

"Well, what do you know?" Zelda sighed. "Something I know about America that you don't. It's this really nasty magazine, okay?"

"Then how come _you _know about it?"

"Don't you remember? Willy Smitherson got fired four months ago for having an 'inappropriate source of medium' in his room. Santa found it during a surprise inspection. Me, being on the inside of matters like these, found out what it w--"

Zelda stopped mid-word because she realized that Malon had snuck away from her and towards a cash register. The red head was already leaving the store by the time Zelda had caught up to her.

"You've got to stop preaching so much," Malon said.

"Ha."

"Hey, you guys want a picture?" the afore-mentioned scantily-clad male model asked Zelda and Malon.

"Ex_cuuuuse _me?" Zelda asked, raising an eyebrow. "What do you take me for?"

"Um...what?"

"Just because you happen to be unbelievably attractice does NOT mean that my pal and I will 'pose' with you for any dumb reason!" Malon barked, suddenly back on the offensive. "How dare you be so presumptuous! Why, I wouldn't take a picture with you if you paid me!"

"Why not?" the overly-shallow model dude asked, putting his fists to his hips.

"Because you are a walking, half-naked billboard who _must_ have better things to do with his time," Zelda answered. "And if you ask me, I--"

"Look!" someone suddenly shouted. Zelda whipped around and saw a small man rush up to her with a measuring tape. "Tall! Blonde! Voluptous! She's perfect!"

"Hey, the dude's right," the model said to his photographer.

"I'm sorry?" Zelda asked, getting a little confused.

"How would you like to work for this company?" the man asked. "I'd offer to hire your friend, too, but she's got red hair."

"Is that a problem, pal?!" Malon asked, highly upset. "Heh! I wouldn't work for you if you were the last scum bag on Earth!"

Rolling her eyes, Zelda elbowed Malon. She pointed to the bag which held Malon's new pants. Growling, Malon threw the bag at the short dude, saying, "And you can take back these, too! May lightning strike me if I ever set foot in this store again!"

"And as for you," Zelda said, looking at the model guy with a dark expression, "Get a shirt, and a life!" With that, she put her hand on his dumb-founded face, and pushed him flat on his back on the floor. (A/N: picture what cary grant did to kate hepburn in the philadelphia story!! )

"Wow," the impressed Link said, once the four of them started walking again. "That was rather .... interesting."

"I didn't expect you to push him," Mido said to Zelda. "But it was a nice touch."

"I hope Claus doesn't mind," Zelda sighed. "But I mean, it was self-defense. The guy was harassing us."

"I'll make sure Kringle understands," Malon assured her, patting her arm. She grimaced. "Honestly! Not wanting to hire me, just because I don't have blonde hair!! .... not like I'd work for them, anyway."

--A Tad While Later--

"Well, this should be able to keep you guys for long enough," Malon decided, once they'd all gotten back to the apartment. "Didn't you have fun?"

"Not really," Link and Zelda muttered simultaneously.

"Oh. Well, that's too bad," Malon said flatly. "Our ride should be coming soon, so I guess that means Mido and I can leave you little love birds alone! Tee-hee!" Crickets chirped as the three of them stared at her. Malon's smile slowly faded. "What? Come on, it was a joke."

"Very amusing," Zelda said, flopping onto a couch. She exhaled deeply, putting a hand over her eyes. "Man, I'm beat."

"Me too," Link said, sitting down on a large chair.

"Hey you actually agreed on something!" Malon gasped. "You're both _tired!_ Mido, enter this in the log!"

Mido obediently took out a journal and a pen, muttering as he wrote, "Actually .... agreed on ... something. Very nice for day one."

"You're keeping a _log_?" Zelda asked in disbelief.

"Orders from above," Mido said, shrugging. "Just try not to think about it."

"But that's so messed up!" Link protested.

"Hey, _you _argue with Santa if you want to," Malon snorted. "Mido and I, however, are staying on the safe side and playing it cool." She glanced at a clock on the wall. "Speaking of Santa, he should've sent those two reindeer by now."

"Then shouldn't you guys be going to ... where ever it you're meeting them?" Zelda asked.

"Hmph! Well someone's being rude!" Malon said, mocking offense. "They're landing on your fire escape."

"Our _fire escape?!_" Link cried. "And Santa wants us to fit in around here. I don't believe that crazy kook!"

"Dude, watch what you say," Mido warned. "Just because we aren't in the North Pole doesn't mean Kris Kringle isn't watching you. In fact, he probably is! Don't you know the song? 'He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake!'"

"...that's the stupidest song I've ever heard!" Zelda said. "Who wrote it?!"

"Mrs. Claus," Malon informed her. "Mido, you can't sing those kinds of songs around Link and Zelda. They don't know them."

"But the Mrs. wrote it," Mido said.

"I know, but if you'll recall, it was only released here in the states," Malon said.

Then came a clatter on the fire escape outside the window. All four elves walked over to it, and saw a pair of reinder. The animals' reins were attached to a small but comfortable-looking sleigh.

"Hey, it's Cupid and Dancer!" Mido said, opening up the window. "How nice!"

"Wait a minute, that's not Cupid," Malon said. "It's Prancer."

"No, it's Cupid," Mido argued.

"Santa only sends Cupid to pairs of elves that he wants to fall in love!" Malon retorted. "So that is clearly not..."

She paused mid-sentence, and both she and Mido turned to look at Link and Zelda.

"Don't look at us," Zelda said. "He sent the reindeer to _you_."

"It's Prancer," Mido decided.

"No, it's Cupid," Malon said, the trace of a smile apparent on her face.

Mido raised an eyebrow at her, then quickly stepped onto the fire escape and into the sleigh. He slid over as far to the edge as he could, distancing himself as far away from his companion as possible. Rolling her eyes, Malon walked onto the fire escape as well.

Link stuck his head out the window; he looked up and down. "Um, is it just me, or is our fire escape like five times as big as everyone else's?"

"You are right, Link, for the first time today," Zelda said, looking out the window as well. "It appears that--"

"MIDO! They agreed on something else!" Malon shouted with excitement. "Quick! Quick! The log man, the log!!"

Immediately Mido took out his log and pen, and began to jot down stuff again. "My, such progress in only one day!"

"W-what're you guys talkin' about?!" Link sputtered.

"Don't fall prey to their immature teasings, _dear_," Zelda growled. "All I'd like to know right now is why our fire escape is so freaking big!"

"It's obvious, hon," Malon sighed. "A sleigh with two reindeer couldn't possibly fit on this thing unless it was enlarged. Needless to say, Santa probably put some kind of wacko charm on it or something."

"Speaking of Santa, I think we'd best be going," Mido said. "I guess we'll be seeing you next week then, guys."

"Oh here, before I forget," Malon said, digging for something in her pocket. She pulled a fat pile of papers out from her jacket with a loud grunt. "Here." Malon gave the stack to Zelda, who was subsequently sent crashing to the floor with an "oof!"

"What the heck's this?" Link asked, standing idly by and allowing Zelda to help herself back up.

"Santa figured you guys could use a dictionary of American slang words," Malon answered. "So you guys can flip through that later tonight ... over some hot cocoa .... in front of a firepl--"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it," Link interrupted, frowning. "You two can be on your way now, thanks."

"Well!" Malon sniffed, getting into the sleigh. "How rude!"

"See you next week," Zelda said, waving until they were ought of sight. "That Mr. Claus never fails to astound me." She heaved the heavy dictionary into the apartment, and let it fall loudly onto the coffee table. "Phew!"

"Let's have a look at this thing," Link said, picking the book up with ease. "Hm.... well isn't this mighty interesting? I can't understand a thing, don't they have translations anywhere ...? Oh; here we go." He burst out laughing.

"What is it?" Zelda asked, closing the window. She walked over and sat down on the couch next to Link."

"Yo, yo, yo, ma homie," Link said, giving Zelda's shoulder a light punch. "What up, dog?" He consulted the book again. "Fo-_shnizzle_, yo. Snap (yo), my dad's trippin' because I didn't do ... no homework."

"Wow," Zelda laughed. "That sounds really..." She picked up the book and looked at a page. "...retarded. And wait ... isn't 'I didn't do no homework' a double negative?"

"You're right," Link said. "And yet the dad is still 'tripping' about it."

"This is hilarious," Zelda snorted. "Americans strange people."

"True dat!" Link said, reading another page from the book.

The two of them both fell into a fit of unstoppable laughter. Just as the moment was getting too sappy for me to personally stand, it ended. Zelda awkwardly stood up and announced that she was taking a long bath.

"I think I'll keep going through this book," Link said, an amused grin on his face.

"Okay."

--Back in The North Pole--

"Hello, Mr. Claus," Malon said, hopping out of the sleigh and saluting her boss.

"Sir," Mido said, getting out and saluting as well.

"Well, how did your visit go?" Santa asked, after setting the two of them at ease.

"Mmm...it could've been worse, I suppose," Malon said. "I mean, they weren't at each other's throats."

"At least...not the whole time," Mido said. "There were a couple few arguments along the way, but I mean it's not like we were surprised or anything."

"Well, just give them some time," Santa said, waving his hand. "It is, afterall, the first real day they've had."

"Yes," Mido agreed, nodding.

"Oh, we got a couple things down in the log," Malon said, taking the journal from Mido and opening it. "They both... Mido, what's this?"

Mido peered over her shoulder and laughed. "Oh. That's something I wrote at the foodcourt--you know, when you were in the bathroom and Link and Zelda were busy fighting over who got to finish your french fries."

Malon began laughing hysterically.

"What does it say?" Santa asked, a little annoyed at being left out.

"Mido wrote down that Link called Zelda hot," Malon said, wiping away a tear. "Oh, this is rich! RICH, I TELL YOU!!"

"What's frustrating is knowing that Zelda feels the same way," Mido said. "I wonder if we could trick her into admitting it ... oh, by the way, the other thing in the log is that they both agreed on something. _Twice_."

"Really! Well, that isn't half bad," Sant said merrily. "Good work, you two. I hope you enjoyed the day."

"Oh yes; quite," Malon assured him. "It's going to be even better as it goes on!" She snickered, rubbing her hands together. "I can't wait for those two to finally step up to the bat and admit everything. How sweet that'll be."

"That'll be the day, Malon," Mido sighed. "If things keep going like they are, Link and Zelda are going to remain in denial for the rest of their lives."

"But things _aren't _going to stay the same!" Malon said, as Mido walked off. "Hey, Santa ... is this Cupid you hitched up to the sleigh?"

"Uhhh, **yup**," Santa answered. He gave Malon a wink, and the red-head giggled and ran after Mido.

---------------------------

A/N: fo-dizzle, link is all gangsta yo! And yes, Malon has a little thing for Mido. And now, I would like to thank the reviewers of the last chapter!

_Devil Seifer: _I'm glad you think this is awesome! Mw ha, ha, to you too!

_Chris Halliwell:_ Do you really think it's good? Thanks, I do my best!

_Hylian Princess: _I find it awesome that you find this funny. If you want to know what happens next, you'd best keep reading!

_Blah Girl: _Nice name, by the way. I love you because you think my story's funny! That's the best thing an author like me can hear from a reviewer!

_Tri: _Your review was short, sweet, and to the point! Thanks sincerely for your capitalized proclamation of love!

_Tori The Hawk Demon: _Do you really think that was the best? I feel so appreciated, thank you oh so very much!!

_Becca_Hilarious "as usual"?? YAY I LOVE YOU! it's not often someone calls my stories hilarious, so I thank you so, so, SO much!

_linkmaster27: _Crazy good, eh? Cool! Thanks, dude! I'm glad to see you were glad I updated this.

_The Sagittarius Sage: _I know, picturing Link and Zelda in American outfits is kind of weird for some people at first. But I do it all the time! And yes, Link deserved to be tricked!! Now I must think of someway to have it happen to Zelda. heh heh!

_Tessyboos_: How can you justify telling me to update when you never do!??! Anyway, it's a pleasure to hear from you (as always) )

_Tiny SweetHeart: _Wow!! Thanks for that awesome review! I thought Mido and Malon made a rather interesting team as well. At first it was going to be Saria and Mido, but I thought it would be easier to make Malon as outlandish as she is.

_LinksZelda: _Astounding! You called my story astounding! Thanks, that's so nice of you. and I will absolutely keep writing, dude.

_bionicle guy: _gee, thanks! I'm blushing from this praise. I'm really happy that you find this funny & great. your review wasn't annoying at all!! (well, of course _I _didn't think so)

_zelda's baby girl: _Ahhh! Please don't hurt me, look! I updated!! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I do try.

If your name didn't make this list, it's because you didn't review the last chapter of this story! So that's a hint! Review now!!


	6. Groceries and Cell Phones

A/N: Here y'all go! Another chapter of my merry Christmas story with the title I wish I could change.

"Uh oh, bad news," Zelda said the next day after very cautiously opening the refrigerator. "There's no more food in here."

"Not…cool," Link said, still staring at their dictionary of American slang. "We should go buy stuff."

"Where do we go?"

"I dunno, somewhere that sells food, I guess."

"Um…where would that be?"

Link grinned. "Fortunately for us, Mido pointed out a nice little spot to me yesterday. It's called a 'grocery store,' and it sells food."

"Grocery?" Zelda asked, raising an eyebrow in question. "What in the name of igloos does _grocery_ mean?"

"How should I know?" Link asked, shrugging.

"Well, it's just that you seemed to know everything," Zelda said in mocking sarcasm. "C'mon, let's go to this so-called grocery …thing."

"All right. It shouldn't take us too long, it's only down the street… you might want to change your clothes."

"Yes, thank you, I know," Zelda said spitefully, still in a set of heart-adorned pajamas that Malon had given her. "I'll be ready in just a second." She turned on her heel and walked into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Rolling his eyes, Link closed the dictionary and stood up. He walked over to the television and sat down directly in front of it. Staring at the blank screen, he thought, _What exactly does this do, again? I know Mido explained it to me… gah, why can't I remember?_ Link leaned closer and scanned the row of buttons that ran along the bottom. _Volume, channel, power…?_ Hesitantly he pressed the power button lightly with his index finger.

"You slept with my boyfriend to hurt me on purpose!" one woman shouted from the TV screen.

"You don't deserve him!" another lady squawked.

"For years and years I've been your friend, and now THIS! YOU BACKSTABBING !!"

Link's eyes were wide open as the two (rather obese women) leapt at each other and tried to strangle the other. Several men came quickly to try and pull them apart, but they just kept screaming. Link wasn't entirely sure what they were saying, though, because some annoying beeping sound kept coming on.

"Link, what're you doing!" Zelda cried, zipping out of her bedroom and staring in horror at the sight before her. "What a disgusting program!"

"People…fighting…other people…laughing at them…?" Link said, paying Zelda no attention whatsoever. "I thought Mido said that television was for entertainment purposes…"

"Well, either Mido was wrong, or Americans have a sick sense of humor," Zelda said sharply. She sat down on the coffee table and shut off the TV. "Okay. Now that female sumo wrestling hour is over, why don't we go buy food?"

"Yeah, okay," Link said, numbly getting to his feet. "…what's sumo wrestling?"

"It's Japanese, or something," Zelda replied as they walked out the apartment door. "And in case you're wondering how I knew, it's because of something that happened about four or five months ago. Bernard and Naiye were fighting and they sort of started to thrash about on the floor, and then Mrs. Claus comes in and screams, 'Who do you boys think you are, Sumo wrestlers!' And of course no one in the room (including myself) had any idea what she was talking about. So she said Bernard and Naiye could avoid getting fired if they did extensive research on the art of sumo and told us all about it…"

"But why would Mrs. Claus know about something so violent?" Link asked.

"Beats me."

As they were walking along the street questioning the morals of Mrs. Claus, all was going quite well. That is, it _was_, until a certain little punk nearly ran over Zelda with his skateboard.

"Hey, stop where you are, punk!" Link said, excited to use what he'd chosen as the American vocabulary word of the day. The dude screeched to a halt and turned around. "You can't go around taking advantage of slow people like this girl here by trying to run them over!"

"WHO'S slow!" Zelda shouted, kicking him in the shin with her combat boots.

"OW!"

Link gritted his teeth and fell to the ground, clutching his leg. "What the… what are those things on your feet!"

"They're called COMBAT boots," Zelda said with an evil glint in her eye. "They go well with the camouflage shirt, don't they?"

"Yeah, pretty as a picture," Link muttered, using a tree for support as he helped himself back up. "Aw, man! You let that kid run away!"

"Perhaps if you'd chosen to do something constructive instead of insulting me, he wouldn't have!" Zelda retaliated. "Besides, I'm the one he nearly killed, why are you getting all steamed up about it?"

"Because I don't like rude people," Link lied.

"You are such a hypocrite!" Zelda said huffily, continuing to walk.

"Hey, hey, slow down! You don't even know where we're going!"

Realizing with annoyance that he had a point, Zelda slowed and waited for him to catch up. "Come on, old man, pick up the pace!... geez, we'll die of starvation by the time you get going!"

"Shut it," Link hissed between his teeth. They turned a corner and found themselves in front of a supermarket. "Ah, there now. Do I deliver, or do I deliver?"

"Mido delivers," Zelda answered. She let that sink in, then asked, "Okay, so, um… how do we get inside?"

"Well we use the door, smart one," Link said flatly.

"But…there are no doors. Just slidey things."

"Wow, you're actually right for once," Link commented, earning him a punch on the arm (ahh, but it was worth it). "But look how nonchalantly all those people are just walking in… is there some kind of code or something that we don't know about it?"

"What, a code to buy food?" Zelda asked. "That's stupid! It would be illegal, and besides, Malon or Mido would've told us about it…"

"Hey, look," Link said, watching a guy come out of the grocery store. "Is it just my imagination, or does that man look a little familiar to you?"

"Which man?" Zelda queried.

"The one wearing black…"

"Link, this is New York City. _Everyone's_ wearing black."

He raised an eyebrow at her, then shook his head. "Look, that… that **dude** with the red hair."

"Oh, I see him now," Zelda said. She suddenly got very excited. "Yeah, I remember now! He's the person who helped us out when we first got here! With the traffic lights, remember? He saved us from getting run over by stupid, ugly vehicles by explaining the light system to us!"

"Ahh, that's it!" Link said, smiling jovially. "HEY! Do you think he knows how the door thing works?"

"Probably, seeing as how it looks like he's just come out of it," Zelda said. "Quick, let's catch up to him before he walks away! Um, excuse me sir!" she called out.

Every guy near them turned to look at her, including the red-headed one. "Yeah, you," Link said, pointing at him. The other gentlemen turned away.

"Um, I'm sorry, do I know you?" the red-headed guy asked.

"He forgot us!" Zelda said, pretending to be shocked. "You saved us the other day by explaining the light system."

"The…light…"

"You know, red means to walk, green means to stop?" Link prompted him.

The man stared at them. Then realization dawned on his face. "Oh! Oh, uh, yeah! I didn't recognize you, your clothing is normal …I mean, different. Do you need…help or something?"

"Yes, thank you so much for asking," Zelda said. "You know that uh, grocery store thing that you just came out of?"

"Yes…"

"How do you get inside?" Link asked.

"The door," the red-head said (ha! a rhyme) very slowly, wondering if this was all just a practical joke.

"Yeah, but it's an abnormal door," Zelda said, thinking the man would have known that. "I thought you would have known that." …

"Well, yeah, but it's not that hard to get in or anything," the red-head laughed, trying not to sound rude. "Look, you see all those people entering and exiting the store? They don't mind. You just walk up to the door and it'll open automatically for you."

"Wow, like magic!" Link breathed. "That's amazing!"

"Who would've guess that the states were so advanced in technology?" Zelda said in wonderment.

"Uh…you're not from around here, are you?" the guy asked them.

"Not really, no," Zelda replied. "We're from _very_ far out of town."

"You could say that!" Link said. The two of them laughed uncomfortably.

"A heh heh…right," the man said, chuckling nervously. "Well, if you ever bump into me again and need to know something, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you, so much!" Zelda said cheerfully, the teeth in her smile giving off an almost-neon glow.

_Wow_. "Uh, here," the man said, fumbling in his coat pocket for a moment. He pulled out a small scrap of paper and a pen, and scribbled something down. "This is my phone number. If you ever need to… I mean, if you ever have any questions during your stay here, you can call me, okay?"

"Gee, uh, thanks," Zelda said, reaching for the slip of paper.

"Oh, wait, here's my cell phone number," the man said, quickly jotting that down as well. "You know, in case I'm not home."

"Er, right, of course," Zelda said, feigning comprehension and taking the paper. She put it in her back pocket then asked, "Hold on, you never told us your name, I'm afraid. What is it?"

"What? Oh, sorry! My name's Roy," the man said, holding out a hand for them both to formally shake (I'm sure most of you saw that coming).

"Right," Zelda said, staring at his hand. She was saved when Link reached over her shoulder and shook Roy's hand for her.

"Thanks for your help," Link said, squeezing Roy's hand rather painfully tight. "But we have to get going now. Bye!"

"Good-bye, Roy!" Zelda called to him as Link dragged her away. "Geez, what's up with you? That wasn't very polite. We didn't even tell him our names."

"Yeah, well I didn't like the way he was looking at y… us," Link grumbled. They slowly came towards the sliding doors, but stopped a small distance in front of them. "Say, what _is_ a telephone, anyway?"

"I don't remember," Zelda responded. "What's a cell phone?"

"I dunno…"

"Oh, I remember!" Zelda said. "Isn't a telephone what you put food in? As in I opened the telephone this morning and found that there was no food?"

"Yeah, that's it!" Link said. "So I wonder what a cell one would be…"

"I have no idea."

"Would you people MOVE already!" barked an impatient woman with five kids behind them. She shoved them forward, towards the sliding doors.

"_AAAAAGH, NOOOOO_!" they cried, holding up their arms to shield themselves from the inevitable crash. But to their immense shock, they just kept walking. They opened their eyes and realized that they were inside the store.

"Wow, just like Roy said!" Zelda exclaimed in awe, staring at the pair of sliding doors with fascination.

"Yeah, come on, let's start getting things already."

Meanwhile, in the North Pole

"Santa, quick!" Malon shouted, making a melodramatic entrance into his private office. "Turn on your satellite thingy-ma-bobber!"

"Malon, what's the idea of bursting in here?" Santa asked, lowering his glasses. "This is my private office!"

"We know, Sir, but this is an emergency!" Mido huffed between breaths, straggling in. "It's Link and Zelda!"

"Oh!" Santa rolled over to a large keyboard and hit a few buttons. A picture of an empty apartment showed up on a large screen.

"They're not home!" Malon screamed. "Isn't that BAD!"

"Not necessarily," Santa grumbled. "I thought you two had something important about them to show me!"

"Well…isn't it important that they could be lost somewhere out in the streets of the city?" Mido asked.

"Malon, did you give Zelda that phone like I asked you to?" Santa asked sternly, pointing a finger at the girl.

"Yeah, I slipped it into her coat pocket."

"Does she know it's there?"

"Um, well I didn't tell her about it, if that's what you mean."

Santa sighed heavily. "I am surrounded by reindeer turds," he muttered under his breath.

"What was that, sir?" Mido asked, having not quite caught it.

"Nothing, nothing," Santa said, waving his hand dismissively. He sighed again, then tossed a phone at Malon. "Call Zelda; I guess she'll just have to find out about her phone the hard way."

"Whatever you say, boss."

So meanwhile-

"Wait…is salted better than no salt AND better than extra salty?" Zelda asked Link. "Or would extra salty be better due to the extra salt?"

"I don't know, what does salt taste like, exactly?" Link asked.

"I'm not sure, it's just one of those things I heard about," Zelda said. "The only thing I really know about it sugar."

"Uh-huh…."

Both of them jumped when a shrill ringing sound came out of no where. They looked around in terror, trying to locate where it was coming from.

"What IS that?" Zelda asked.

"It sounds like it's coming from you," Link said shakily.

"Hey, you're right!" Zelda gasped. "What is it, a time bomb or something!"

"I don't know, just find out what it is!"

"Oh, it's coming from my coat…pocket," Zelda said, reaching into the pocket and indeed pulling out a small cell phone. "What… what the heck is this?"

"It could be some kind of weapon," Link said, furrowing his brow very seriously. "I'll bet that _Roy_ character planted it on you! I knew he looked suspicious!"

"Wait a second, look," Zelda said. She pointed to a small sticker on the front. "That's a winking snowman, it's Santa's trademark. It must be something from him! But what is it?"

"Open it like this," Link said, tentatively flipping it open.

"HELLO!" Malon shouted loudly.

Zelda jumped. "H-hello?" she said timidly into the phone.

"ZELDA? IT'S MALON. PUT THE THING BY YOUR EAR… AND PUT THE BOTTOM PART OF IT BY YOUR MOUTH," Malon instructed her.

It took a minute for Zelda to figure that out and once she did, she said, "Oh, hi, Malon? Wow, how neat! What do you call this communicating device?"

"It's called a cell phone," Malon answered.

"Oh! This is a cell phone? I thought phones were what you put food in," Zelda laughed, winking at Link and pointing to the phone as if saying, "get a load of this."

"Uh, no, that would be a refrigerator," Malon said.

"Oh, yeah!"

"Stop talking about electronical instruments and their functions!" Santa whispered to her. "Ask where they are!"

"Oh, right you are, sir," Malon said.

"Did you just call me sir?" Zelda asked.

"What? Oh, no, I wasn't talking to… oh, never mind. The big man on top wants to know where you guys are."

"We're at the grocery store," Zelda told her. "It's around the corner from our apartment, so don't worry."

"Phew!" Malon sighed. "Look, Mido and I meant to show you guys how to transport yourselves around the city, but we kind of forgot. So once you're done at the grocery store, go back to the apartment for six days."

"You want us to spend six days in a small apartment together!" Zelda squeaked.

"Oh, hold on," Malon said. "Santa says it's okay if Mido and I come down in two days to show you guys how to get around. Is that okay?"

"Um… I guess so…."

"All right then, 'til two days from now!" Malon said cheerfully. She hung up without informing Zelda how to do the same.

"Uh…hello?" Zelda said into her phone. "Malon? Are you there?"

"Shut it," Link said.

"I wasn't talking to you, Link!" Zelda snapped at him.

He sighed. "I didn't mean your mouth when I said 'it,' I meant the phone."

"Oh," she said awkwardly, closing the cell phone gently. "Well, what a handy little thing." She put it back into her jacket. "Okay! Let's go find where they sell the candy canes."

A/N: The end! Of this chapter, anyway. Hope that was sufficient, so just sit tight until I manage to update again! XD

**Sesshomaru**: You're not very polite, are you? Three words: writer's block. School. Hopefully you've heard of them. I take it that you're not an author yourself, seeing as how you're an anonymous reviewer. Therefore I'd appreciate it if you didn't parade around discussing things you don't know anything about, like updating. If you want an author to keep writing something, calling them lazy isn't something I'd suggest.

**Bridget**: , Thanks a bunch for your review! You rock.

**Moonbeam**: I'm glad that you're "obsessed" with my stories, but I can't help it if I don't have a computer with me everywhere I go! (go down further for another comment about you. Yes, you have two)

**ChaosRealms**: Thanks so much! It's nice to get such a flattering review from a fellow author. What you said was really nice; soon I'll read your story and review it for you! (I respect what you said about flames and inviting them openly. I could never do that! (maybe it's a girl thing). Hey, our birthdays are really close! D

**The Sagittarius Sage**: Ha, ha, yeah. Fighting over French fries has been a life-long battle between my brother and I whenever somebody gets fast food! dressing up link and Zelda was fun! Heh, heh! Thanks for the review (as always)!

**POo PoO**: So flattering to get a review from somebody with such an esteemed name. LOL, no offense—it's great. Dude, thanks for the thumbs up! People don't usually give me those (especially online). I love getting responses from people like you!

**Black Emerald Dawn**: I'm on your favorite author's list? YAY! D That really makes my day! You rock, too!

**Blahgirl**: Can't wait? You mean for an update? Thanks a mil, kid! By the way, are you the one writing that Wicked story? Blahgirl65? If so, you RULE! If not, you STILL rule! Thank you so much for your inspiring review(s)!

**DLandZel**: Sizzling, eh? That's not an adjective I usually hear, so thanks, homie! But, uh… Big L? Hot Pink? What?

**Moonbeam **(again): You know…you should become a member of this sight so this way you'll only be restricted to one review a chapter! Although this one was actually okay, because it didn't insult me. See what a nice reviewer you can be?

**Becca**: Glad you liked that chapter! Yeah, Link is so gangsta! (I re-used the idea from one of my other stories…) Thanks so much for all your great reviews!

**FrizzMedusa**: Ha, ha, thanks! I actually heard one of my friends say "fo-shnizzle" and I laughed for hours. She wasn't being serious, of course, so it was funny. Where would the world be without slang? XD Thanks!

**Bionicleguy**: Awww, thanks so much! I try really hard to write good comedy, and it's good to know that at least one person out there appreciates it! You are VERY cool, and I love your reviews! Thanks for taking the time!

**Devil Seifer**: Yeah, I know Mido and Malon sounds kind of weird, but they had to be together. Unless of course I made an even bigger twist and put the two red-heads together! (laughs evilly) Well, I've updated now, so you can't hunt me down! (laughs evilly again). Thanks for your great reviews!

**Kenshinlink42889**: Wow, thanks SO MUCH! I'm really happy when people say stuff like that! But yeah, I know, I'm a lousy updater! You might have been able to tell that by a lot of these reviews… anyway, I hope we can talk online again soon!

**Tri**: Yes, another romance! The two M's! Heh, heh, heh! Yes, Link's going to keep talking American, as you may have noticed in this chapter (it makes him feel special). I'm happy to hear you think this is funny!

**Some Say The World Will END**: Merci for the review! I know, sad this won't be done before Christmas…. If I really wanted to, I could drag it out that long, but a lot of people would kill me if I did that! I started this around Christmas, though…

**Tessyboos**: Yay, all caps! Nice review, as usual, Tess. "Maybe" you'll update? Is that code for never? LOL, just joshing with you. Hey, I hope we can talk on AIM again soon! Miss ya!

**Ryu the Dragon Master**: I'm glad you feel appreciated, because that's how I feel when I get so many glowing reviews! Malon's so cool. And yes, Zelda can say anything in the world she wants!

**Zelda's baby girl**: Phew! Good to hear you're not going to try to kill me anymore! LOL thanks. Not used to the ghetto talk, huh? I guess I just hang out with some of my gangster friends too much! Your reviews rock the earth, baby girl! Thanks!

**Zeldaisthebest**: Great is what your review is! Muchos gracias!

**Exiled Desert Goddess**: Wow, omg, thanks so much! What you said in your review was SO nice! Hee hee, I got put on your favorites list! YAY! You are a very cool person, and I'm glad you think I make stories with the right formula! Do you write? If so, I'll have to try and check one out soon!

**Hylian Princess**: Link being gangster turned out to be popular! I'm really glad that you liked it! Yeah, Malon can be evil sometimes in our imaginations, ha, ha!

**oOoDancingQueenoOo**: lol, thanks, home dog!

**Chris-Halliwell**: I'll try and update as much as I possibly can! The unexpected romance was going to be between link and Zelda (hence the "lol" or whatever in the description, because I thought it was obvious they'd eventually hook up), but now that I think about it, that goes for Malon and Mido, too! Thanks so much for your thoughtful response!

**Linkmaster27**: My fic rocks? Oh my good golly gosh, thanks! So does your review!


	7. The Tinklemans

A/N: Wow, it's been four months since I've updated! Craziness! This chapter is a little off-kilter (aren't they all…) so I hope it doesn't suck too bad! Malon and Mido will be in the next chapter!

&-

The day after the disastrous super-market incident (Link and Zelda had gotten rather distracted at a free sample stand), the two elves were sitting dully in their apartment.

"Look here," Link said, opening a closet they'd both neglected earlier. "What are all these boxes?"

Zelda took the top one off. "They're board games, of course."

"What d'you mean, of course?" Link asked. "How would I have known, I was never involved in the board game department!"

"Right," Zelda sighed. On top of a game of Clue she spotted a note, and reading it, said, "Hmm… it appears that Santa had somebody deliver these to us last night. 'So we can find a way to entertain ourselves all day without going outside.' Man, bummer."

"Um, yeah, especially since I think there has to be more than two of us to play a game," Link said, staring at the 4-6 player stickers on the boxes. "Is Santa off his rocker or something?"

"Hold up, here's one," Zelda said, picking up a small box. "Uno?"

"_U_no?" Link repeated.

Zelda opened the box and a deck of colored cards fell out of the box. "…oops."

"Nice job," Link snorted, bending down to pick them up. Zelda smacked his head before he got to his feet again; Link chose to ignore this. "Hey, here are some instructions. You wanna try playing it?"

"Um…okay."

The two of them sat down at opposite ends of their kitchen table and Link unfolded the instructions. "What the…?"

"What is it?" Zelda asked curiously, trying to read the pamphlet from upside-down.

"These aren't in English," Link said. "Look at that, that's Spanish… and there's French … and that's Japanese or something. Unbelievable! You have to be trilingual just to find out how to play this stupid game!"

"Wait a sec, there's English," Zelda said, who had been staring at the back of the pamphlet for some time.

"Oh." Link turned it over and said awkwardly, "Thanks."

Zelda shrugged.

A short while later, when all the rules had been read and discussed, Link gave Zelda seven cards. He then turned over the first card in the pile. "Okay Zelda, you know the drill … a green or a zero."

"Ha, ha!" Zelda said triumphantly, putting down a green zero. "I matched the color AND the number! Do I get like double points for that or something?"

"Zelda, there aren't any points in this game, remember?" Link sighed.

"Oh yeah…"

The game was pretty dull until Zelda kept giving Link "Draw 2s" or Wild "Draw 4s". "Sorry," Zelda said, putting down yet another Draw 2. "There was no other card I could play, I swear! I had no more options!"

"Neither do I!" Link said, looking dumbfounded. "I have the whole deck in my hands! …wow, what happens now?"

"I dunno," said Zelda, who still had four cards. "I wonder if this has ever happened to anyone else in the Uno world before?"

"What does Uno mean, anyway?" Link asked.

"Good question."

There was silence for a moment. "What a dumb game," they both said at the same time. There was another awkward silence as they stared at each other—then both of them burst into laughter.

"Uh, maybe we should try playing something else," Zelda giggled. She put all the cards into a pile and placed them carefully back in the box. Walking over to the "game" closet, she said, "Apparently we weren't cut out for Uno."

"No."

Zelda came back a minute later carrying a rather larger box. "Here's something that ought to be interesting. You always liked those G.I. Joe dolls."

"They were action figures, not dolls," Link said, inspecting the box. "'Stratego'? What's this?"

"I don't know, something that has to do with…_ war_," said Zelda, shivering as if war was some kind of curse word. "Let's try it out, huh?"

"Okay…"

The game started out peacefully enough, but we all know that anything connected with war ends with nothing but… well, war.

"LINK, you're cheating!"

"What—I am not!"

"Yes you are, I just saw you look!"

"Zelda, I did not steal a look at your side of the board!"

"You did too, you know exactly where my flag is!"

"I do not!"

"You do too! And you better watch it, pal, because I have several BOMBS awaiting your arrival, ha, ha, HA!"

"You don't scare me, _or_ my general," Link scoffed, moving one of his pieces forward. "…captain."

"Scout," Zelda said, frowning.

"GOTCHA!" Link shouted victoriously. He grabbed Zelda's piece and threw it into the air with excitement. Then he caught it and calmly put it back in the box. "That's five of your little scouts I've caught, Zelda!"

"You'd better count your Colonels and see how many of them you have left, Link!" Zelda said tauntingly. "Ooh, ooh, that's right! NONE! Ha!"

They both jumped when the sound of a knock on their door suddenly sounded. Puzzled, they glanced at each other and then at the door. "I thought Malon and Mido weren't coming until tomorrow…?" Link said uncertainly.

"They're not," Zelda muttered, getting to her feet. She apprehensively put her hand on the doorknob.

"Don't answer it, you twit!" Link hissed. "It could be someone evil! It could be one of Ganon's spies!"

"Don't be a _weirdo_," Zelda said, using one of her new American vocabulary words. She opened the door and found a pair of extremely unfamiliar old people. "Um… hello …?"

"Hello!" said the old woman with a smiling face that suggested hearts and rainbows. "You've just moved in, haven't you?"

"Why uh, yes," Zelda said, smiling politely.

"We're your neighbors," said the man with a face that suggested something had crawled up his butt and died.

"That's right!" the elderly woman laughed. "I'm Ruth Tinkleman and this is my husband, George!"

"Oh, um, hello," Zelda said, her smile turning into the kind that any normal person would interpret as please- explain- what- you're- doing- here- or- kindly- leave. If Link and Zelda were ordinary American young people, they might have realized the humor in the last name Tinkleman.

"We were wondering if you'd like to come over for some tea and cake!" Ruth said, sounding as if this was a chance of a lifetime (she threw her arms up in excitement for that extra emphasis).

"Uh…"

"We'd love to," said Link, who had just come over to the doorway. Zelda jumped at the sudden sound of his voice and backed into him by mistake. She scowled up at him.

"Oh, is this your husband?" Ruth asked.

Zelda's mouth dropped. She seemed unable to speak and Link quickly said, "No, ma'am, noooo way."

"You're siblings, then?"

"No."

"Cousins?"

"No, ma'am," Zelda said. "We just live here together. Not relatives."

Ruth's eyes widened in old lady-like horror but her smile remained in place nonetheless. "Oh…well, how—how er, nice! …well, come along then, that tea's not going to drink itself!"

As the four of them walked down the hall, the elves overheard Ruth whispering to George, "How scandalous! Living together and they're not _married!_ What is this horrid generation coming to?"

"Wish I could say," George muttered. "At least our grandson's all right."

"Yes," Ruth said. "You don't see _him_ running around with any _scarlet women!_"

"Dear, I hardly believe she's all that."

"Excuse me, Mrs. Tinkleman, but I'm a blonde," Zelda couldn't help pointing out. She wondered if perhaps Ruth was color blind and had mistaken her hair for red.

"Yes, dear, I see that," Ruth said, smiling sweetly. She opened the door to her and George's apartment. She would have liked very much to take back her invitation, but that would have been horribly rude, so she led Link and Zelda into their small but humble home. "Please, dears, have a seat on the couch!"

The two elves sat down on a small, stiff couch that smelled like old people and looked suspiciously like a love seat.

"So, how long have you two been in New York?" Ruth asked, pouring them both cups of very steaming tea.

"Uh…only just a few days, actually," Link answered.

"Where'd you move here from?" asked George.

Link and Zelda looked at each other. "Very far north," was how the latter decided to reply. Then she spotted the sugar and nudged Link, looking rather thrilled. Ruth and George stared at the two as they nearly emptied the contents of the sugar dish into their respective tea cups.

"Erm…so, are you Canadian, then?" Ruth inquired politely.

"…" The visitors suddenly began guzzling down their tea in a way most lacking manners, causing the old couple to start sipping down their own.

"So, what do you two do around here for fun?" Zelda asked.

"Well, George and I don't really get out much," Ruth said. "Now and then we have our friends over to play bridge or poker! And then of course there's the occasional Broadway show, if we can afford it, and our grandson likes to take us out to dinner sometimes, and there's a most lovely zoo in the Bronx! But if you don't like zoos, there's always a walk in Central Park you could take! OH, and the museums! Metropolitan, Natural History—they've the most intriguing new dinosaur exhibit—Museum of Modern Art, and oh, so many others!"

A younger woman than Mrs. Tinkleman probably would have noticed the extremely lost expressions on Link and Zelda's faces.

"Oh, and just wait 'til you see the tree at the Met!" Ruth breathed, looking very delighted. "Nobody does Christmas like New York City, as I always say!"

"Tree?" Link asked.

"Christmas?" said Zelda.

"Oh, my! Are you Jewish, dears?"

Link and Zelda stole glances at each other once more. "Uh… we celebrate Christmas, if that's what you mean…"

"Well how splendid; then you must simply come to our grandson's annual Christmas Eve party! It's marvelous, and he never fails to invite us! Such a sweet boy, really! Perhaps you two can meet him someday! Yes, I'll arrange it the next time he stops by, shall I?" Ruth asked, looking very ecstatic at the very idea.

"He's stopping by today, you know," said George. "It's Friday."

"Goodness gracious, you're right!" Ruth gasped. She glanced at the clock. "And by golly, he should be here any minute n—"

They suddenly heard the sound of a door closing. "Mimi? Grandpa?" A red-headed young man walked into the living room and froze in the middle of taking his jacket off. He stared at Link and Zelda.

"Roy?" Zelda asked, recognizing the hair and the face at once.

"Oh, uh, hi!" Roy said, looking rather embarrassed.

"My, my, do you three know each other?" Ruth asked.

"Your grandson has been quite helpful to us," Zelda said, smiling sweetly at Roy as he sat down next to his grandparents. "He's given us a few hints as to how to get around this city!"

"Well Roy, how nice of you!" Ruth said. "These are our new neighbors, uh…" For once, Ruth actually looked lost. "I'm so sorry, dears, but your names…?"

"Oh, how terribly rude of us!" Zelda laughed. "My name is Zelda."

"I'm Link," her partner said, wondering if the name would at all intimidate the rather feeble looking Roy. _That would be cool_.

"Well, what interesting names!" Ruth said cheerfully. She turned to George. "Wasn't Zelda the name of the villainess in that first Flash Gordon serial?"

George shrugged. "That was over seventy years ago, Ruth, I don't remember!"

"Ah, well… but how nice that you have all already met!"

"Yes, nice, isn't it?" Roy said, staring at Zelda and trying unsuccessfully to untie his snow boots. He cleared his throat and looked determinedly over at Ruth. "Mimi, I've … I mean, uh, grandma, I just got back from the lottery."

"Did you?" Ruth asked, apparently elated at the very thought of it.

"Yes, you'll never guess what I got tickets for!"

"42nd Street?" Ruth suggested, as if nothing else in the world could be better.

Roy wrinkled his nose. "No… besides, that went out of circulation months ago, ever since Shirley Jones joined it."

"That's too bad."

"Shirley Jones," Zelda muttered to herself. "Why is that name familiar?"

"Aw, you know," Roy said, looking sheepish. "Partridge Family lady?"

She stared at him. "Uh…oh yeah, of course. Ha, ha."

"Anyway, I didn't believe it to be possible, but I got tickets for WICKED!" Roy shouted, throwing his arms up into the air with enthusiasm.

Ruth and George gawked at him. "I know!" Ruth suddenly said. "Why don't you take Link and Zelda along?"

"Uh, what?" asked Link, who had zoned out of the conversation a moment ago.

"I don't suppose the two of you have ever seen a Broadway show, have you?"

"Um…no," they both said at exactly the same time.

"Well, Wicked is getting simply all the best reviews and it would be an excellent first show for you two see!"

"We're kind of busy tonight," Link said.

"Don't be ridiculous, we are not," Zelda said back.

"Hey, Zel, can I talk to you for just a moment?" Link asked with a false smile. He was holding her arm in a vice grip.

"Erm, okay," she said, eyeing him warily. "Please excuse us for a moment." Link dragged her into the kitchen.

As soon as the elves were out of earshot, Roy turned to his grandparents, looking dumbfounded. "Why don't _you_ want to see Wicked?" he asked. "You said it yourself, it's getting the best reviews!"

"Oh, they'll want to see it," George said. "Your grandmother and I have seen plenty of Broadway shows. And they've never seen one!"

"That wouldn't have changed your minds before…"

"All right, you want the truth?" Ruth asked, looking sour all of a sudden. "Wicked is pure blasphemy! Why, I hear it's changed the entire Wizard of Oz around to make Dorothy and Glinda out has villains and the WICKED Witch of the West a hero! It's an evil idea! Simply wicked!"

"Yes, it is," Roy joked.

"I simply refuse to see it," Ruth said indignantly, crossing her arms. "Besides, you already know Link and Zelda, why don't you want to see it with them?"

"It's not that," Roy said hastily, turning red. "I just wanted to know why you guys didn't want to see it."

Meanwhile, in the kitchen—

"Link, what in the name of all that is Christmas is your problem?" Zelda asked.

"We don't know Roy well enough to just go off somewhere with him in an unfamiliar city!"

"What are you talking about? He's been helping us, in case you didn't notice!"

"Well Santa told us to stay in our apartment until Malon and Mido come, and this would count as _leaving_, wouldn't it! Besides, you heard the title! Wicked! It's an evil adjective, in case you didn't know!"

"I'm going to call Malon," Zelda said, taking out her cellphone. "Ah, shoot… she didn't teach me how to call her!" She jumped when it suddenly started ringing. "Ha, what luck, huh?" Zelda opened it, sticking her tongue out at Link and turning so her back was to him. "Hey, Malon."

"Hi, Zel! What's up? You guys okay?"

"Yeah, we're fine," Zelda said. "We're actually at our neighbors', they invited us over for tea. And their grandson wants to take us somewhere tonight…"

"Where?" Malon asked quickly. "Does he seem dangerous in any way, shape, or form?"

"No," Zelda said. "On the contrary, he's very nice! He wants to take us to some show or something …it's called Wicked."

"WOW! He's taking you to _Wicked?_" Malon gasped. "No way! Those tickets are like, impossible to get! That show's getting all the best reviews, I so envy you!"

"Hey, how do you know that?" Zelda questioned.

"I just know things," Malon replied mysteriously. "But so long as Roy knows where he's going, it's fine for you guys to accompany him."

"Really? Cool. Thanks."

"No problem. Make sure you wear something nice, like one of those skirts we bought, okay? And make sure you call back when you get home."

"Right… er, how do I do that?"

"Oh, sorry—just hit the button that says 'send' on it. Kay?"

"Okay… bye, Malon."

"Bye!"

Zelda closed the phone and turned back to Link. "We're _going_, Link, you and I are going with Roy! We are not going to be rude and turn down his invitation!"

The fire blazing in her eyes was slightly frightening and caused Link to say, "All right, fine. Now let's go back out and be sociable."

"So, can you two go with Roy tonight?" Ruth asked.

"We'd love to."

"Great!" Roy said with a grin. "We should probably leave here around a quarter to six, so… make sure you eat before then, I guess."

"Okay."

"We'll see you then, ….then," Link said, standing up. Zelda frowned slightly and followed suit. "Goodbye. Thank you for having us over, Mr. and Mrs. Tinkleman."

"Oh, any time, my dears, any time!" Ruth said, waving them goodbye.

When the elves were safely outside the door, Link noticed Zelda was already on her cell phone again. "Hey, Malon … what time is 'a quarter to six'?"

&-

A/N: And that's the end of chapter 7. If you don't know the play Wicked, I'm sad for you!  Also, I just feel like mentioning that Ruth was modeled after my late grandmother Ruth Jones, whose maiden name was Tinkleman. By now you lot have most likely forgotten what you wrote in your last reviews, but I feel like thanking you anyway!

**jill2282**: The rest is right now! Ta-da! Lucky you reviewed like, today.

**The Sagittarius Sage**: LOL I'm glad you liked the cell phone part. That makes me feel special! Also thanks for including the bit from the story; I love when people do that! (That was my favorite part of the chapter, too)

**Sesshoumaru's wife**: Thank you! I feel special!

**Ryu the Dragon _Demon_**: Sorry I got your name wrong! XD my bad. Thanks for being so understanding Nice impersonation, by the way, with the microwave. I never even thought of doing that! Do you mind if I borrow it sometime?

**cswoman**: Right back at ya, dude. Merry Christmas!

**Wind's Hope**: "Interesting" is the word most often associated with my fics. I know, I know, everybody wants the romance in this story. _I _want the romance in this story! Thanks for being patient!

**Becca**: I love your reviews; you're so nice! Thanks for putting the clip from the story in, that means a lot… glad you can get mental images! 

**RayxJade**: Ha, ha, I'm glad someone liked the Prancer/Cupid thing. I think it's spiffy you called my comedy good. I'm flattered!

**Medlei**: lol, yes, the innocence of Link and Zelda. I'll keep up the work; I hope you keep reading, because that would make me happy like a grandma!

**Bridget**: lol yeah, I'm sorry this story is out of date right now. I don't think it was when I started it, but thanks for enjoying it all the same!

**Exiled Desert Goddess**: Ooh, glad you like Roy. You'll be seeing more of him in this story, ha, ha, HA! Thanks for saying my stories rule … is your name really Alisha? Because that's my best friends name, only she spells it with an E instead of an A at the beginning. Always cool to hear from you!

**Moonbeam**: Ha, ha, I love you too…

**Tessyboos**: Thanks, tess. Sorry that the Yankees lost way back when. Glad this could cheer you up! omg, Amanda and Craig Bench had their TWINS! I don't know if you knew that, but I just _had _to say it. Tell Betta it was SO awesome to have her here and I miss her! I miss you, too, of course, Tessaroo!

**zelda's baby girl**: okay…. Thanks for your review and saying that my stories rock, because that's what big-shots like me love hearing! Sorry I take forever to update, but these last few months have been especially trying…

**Blahgirl**: lol, we _all_ have problems. Thanks a million for your inspiring review!

**Hylian Princess**: Awww, thanks, you're so nice! Thanks for updating your story too, by the way. Whoa, it's extremely popular! Sorry it takes me eons to update.  It means a lot to me that YOU think my stories are funny!

**Black Emerald Dawn**: Woo-hoo thanks for adding me to your fav. Author list! That's so awesome of you! Yes, "different" is most definitely an adjective once could use to describe my stories… you're awesome!

**Devil Seifer**: I guess the second red-head must be Roy. I must've been thinking really weird that day and thought it would be cool to twist it and have Malon with Roy… which I will not be doing, by the way. Ignore me! Ha, ha, threaten me with Link plushies all you want, my friend, but I shall KEEP THEM and never give them back!

**oOoDancingQueenoOo**: um… your welcome?

**linkmaster27**: Oh my gosh, how nice of you! I love clapping people! Thanks so much for your mucho amazing compliment!

**Greki**: Your review was also "damn cool" and you're AWESOME!

AUDREY HEPBURN!


	8. Wicked and Harry Potter

A/N: Wow, it's been like forever… anyway, shout out to my friends Elise and Kathy who, aside from being in my two Holes stories, are featured in this chapter! Go Christmas! (one month, four days, and _counting!_)

"Link, how does this skirt look?" Zelda asked a while later.

"Fine," he replied, not glancing up from the book he was reading.

Rolling her eyes, she pulled on a brown coat and walked over to stand behind his chair. "Link, what the devil is that you're reading?"

He looked up from his book and raised an eyebrow. "Did you just say 'what the devil?'"

"Yes."

"What is THAT supposed to mean?"

"Oh, it was in the British/Old English section of that dictionary Santa gave us," Zelda said. "But that's beside the point. What're you reading?"

With a shrug, Link dog-eared the page and closed the book, showing the title to Zelda. "It's called 'A Christmas Carol.' I found it in that closet with all the games."

"Is it any good?"

"I dunno, haven't really gotten too far into it." After an odd pause, Link glanced at the digital clock on the mantel piece. "Okay, well, we should probably be eating something right about now."

"Oh, I took care of it," Zelda said brightly.

He stood up. "What do you mean?"

"There was this bag of popcorn in the kitchen and it had instructions on it as to how to use a microwave, so I threw it in there!"

"Hm." Link sniffed the air and furrowed his brow. "…do you smell something burning, or is it just me?"

Almost in perfect unison, the two elves ran directly into the kitchen, where the popcorn bag was completely spazzing out in the microwave.

"WHAT IS IT _DOING!_"

"IT'S FRYING OUR FOOD! IT'S KILLING IT!" Link rushed forward to try and halt the disaster, when Zelda heard her cellphone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey girl, it's Malon! What is UP?"

"Um… Link and I are trying to eat something before we—"

Kaboom.

There was silence on the line for a moment. "What was _that_?" Malon asked.

"Uh, we put some popcorn in the, the uh… microwave, but it totally malfunctioned and I think it's destroyed the food."

"How?"

"It was like… heating it up."

"The microwave was?"

"Yes."

Again, silence. "Zelda, that's what microwaves are supposed to do."

"It is?"

"DUH!"

"Oh, I guess I should probably see what happened to Link," Zelda said. She turned around and glanced back into the kitchen. Her companion was brushing a bunch of blackened kernels back into the bag, then aiming to throw them in the garbage. He appeared to have something like soot all over his face.

"How's the damage?"

"Em… pretty bad," Zelda muttered into the phone. "He's cleaning up the mess in the kitchen right now."

"Hey, I've got a great idea!" Malon said.

"And what is that?" Zelda asked.

"You could go in there and help him! Wouldn't that be so nice and romantic of you, Zellie?"

"Yes. Really nice. Thanks for the suggestion, but I think I'll pass. Bye, Malon."

"Oh, bye," Malon pouted.

Zelda shut her phone and headed back to the kitchen. Link straightened up. "Thanks for your help," he said, looking a little ticked.

"I was on the phone, in case you didn't notice," she replied coolly.

"Well Kringle forbid you should've told Malon to stuff and help me!"

"Stop being so immature."

"No, YOU stop!"

"YOU stop! AND GET INTO SOMETHING MORE FORMAL!"

Glaring at her, Link stalked into his room. _Honestly, such a kid!_ Zelda consoled herself, sitting down in a chair. She leapt up a second later though, because a knock had sounded at the door. Smoothing out her skirt a little, Zelda stood up and went to answer it.

"Hey, Roy!" she said brightly, stepping aside so he could come.

"Hello," he greeted her, looking a tad bit pink. "Ready to go?"

"_I_ am, but Link is going to take another moment or two, I think," she responded. The two of them stood there in awkward silence for a moment, Roy shuffling his feet a little, until Zelda spoke up again. "Thanks a lot for taking us with you tonight. It's really, er… .nice of you."

"Oh, no problem," he said quickly. "My pleasure, really. So it's really your first Broadway show, huh?"

"Yep. I've never even been to New York before."

"Really? Well…" He cleared his throat. "Sorry, I must've missed it, but where did you say you were from, again?"

"Oh, uh—"

She was saved from having to answer when Link strode back into the room. He was wearing a black cashmere sweater with khaki pants and, Zelda couldn't help thinking, looking like Christmas in July (which, where they come from, was a very complimentary comment). He pulled on a pair of dark gloves and looked Roy in the eyes.

"Thanks for taking us along, man," he said, remembering how the term "man" had been described in Santa's all-knowing dictionary. "Real nice of you."

"Oh, n-no problem," Roy stammered. "Well, I thought we'd just take a cab down to the Square and walk to the theater from there. Sound good?"

"Sure," Zelda and Link agreed.

"Great! Well…let's get going then."

In the cab, Roy had been pushed all the way to the left side. He'd been hoping to at least get in the middle, but it was apparent that Link had wanted that seat, and Roy was too intimidated by him to want an argument.

"So you guys have seen 'The Wizard of Oz,' right?" he asked casually.

Once again, Link and Zelda exchanged glances, wondering what they were getting themselves into. "Erm…no."

"NO?" Roy asked incredulously, looking genuinely shocked. "You're joking, right? You're joking!"

"Not joking," Link said.

"Wow…I thought everybody had seen 'The Wizard of Oz!'" he said, still looking deeply astounded. "I mean, haven't you ever wondered where phrases like, 'lions and tigers and bears—oh my!' or 'If I only had a brain,' or—or 'there's no place like home' came from?"

"The Wizard of Oz, I'm assuming?" Zelda said.

"I should probably explain the plot to you, then, because if you don't know it, you won't be able to appreciate Wicked as much."

And so, rather to Link's chagrin, the rest of the cab ride was spent describing what happened to a little Kansas girl when her house got taken to La-La Land during a tornado and how all she wanted was to go home.

"Sounds very interesting," Link said, though he didn't think Roy caught the sarcasm in his voice.

"It does," Zelda said sincerely, as their cab came to a stop. When they got out, Roy paid the driver and they began walking down the street. As they neared Gerswhin Theater (where the best play in the history of the world was playing), Roy was heralded by a group of young adults standing outside a café.

"Yo, my boy Roy!" called out a girl decked in black.

"Heyy, it's the red-headed rookie!" another girl said, and they skipped up to him.

"Hey guys," he said, grinning a little sheepishly. "Elise, Kathy. These are my er, friends, Link and Zelda."

"Hi," Link grunted.

"Hel_lo!_" Zelda said enthusiastically, shaking their hands in turn. "Nice to meet the two of you!"

"Likewise," said Elise, who was eyeing Link with some interest. "You guys seeing Wicked?"

"Yeah," Roy answered.

"Best show EVER," Kathy said, grinning and giving them the thumbs-up. "Anyway, Elise and I here were just discussing Harry Potter."

"Oh, really?" Roy asked. "What aspect where you talking about, precisely?"

"The love plots," Elise replied. "Particularly Harry and Ginny."

Kathy groaned. "Those two should NOT be together! I mean, really! Ginny is way too young for him!"

"She's only a year younger," Elise argued. "Besides, who'd be left for Harry?"

"Hermione," Kathy answered as if this was completely obvious.

"Her_mione?_" Roy cried. "Are you nuts? She is destined to be with Ron!"

"Yeah!" Elise seconded. "Who would be left for Ron if Hermione was busy being with Harry?"

"Lavender Brown," Kathy retorted. "DUH."

"Kathy, EW!" Elise moaned. "Lavender was so annoying! Harry and Ginny are the only way to go, here!"

"What about Cho?"

"CHO?" Roy asked, as if Kathy had completely lost it. "Are you kidding me? She was like, a complete mess! 'Oh, I thought you'd understand, you and Cedric and all—"

"Oh, shut up," Kathy sighed. "What do _you_ guys think?"

As you can imagine, Zelda and Link had been staring at the trio for the past few minutes as if they'd been speaking Norwegian. Wondering if they were supposed to know so many mutual friends of Roy's, Elise's and Kathy's, all Link and Zelda could do was stare at them.

"You…_do_ read Harry Potter, right?" Elise asked slowly.

"Um—"

"Good land, look at the time!" Roy gasped, looking at his watch. "Nice to see you guys, catch you later!"

"Bye, Roy!" the girls giggled. "Bye Zelda, Link."

"Yeah, bye…"

Roughly ten minutes later, the three of them were sitting down in their seats at the theater, center of the mezzanine.

"Whoa, cool dragon!" Roy said, staring in awe at the stage decorations. "This is going to be so good!"

"Hey, Roy, who's Harry Potter?" Zelda asked.

"And Ginny, Cho, Ron, Hermione, Cedric and Lavender?" Link added.

Roy laughed. "Haven't you guys even _heard_ of Harry Potter?"

"No…"

He laughed again. "Where are you guys _from_, the North Pole? Ha, ha!"

They immediately joined in his laughter, albeit a little late and forced, but Zelda quickly recovered and said, "But seriously."

"Oh, it's just this series of books about a boy wizard whose parents are murdered by an evil guy and he goes to a school for witches and wizards even though he was brought up by his Muggle aunt and uncle—muggle meaning a non-magic person, of course—and anyway in this latest book he realizes he has feelings for his best friend Ron's younger sister Ginny and this has caused major debate among fans." He said this without pausing for a single breath.

"Huh," Zelda said. "Sounds…unique."

"Would you like to borrow the books sometime?" Roy asked eagerly. "I've got the whole set, all six of them!"

"Oh, sure!" Zelda said, being one who enjoyed reading.

Just then, a grumpy-looking old man who bore a strong resemblance to Michael Caine sat down next to Link.

"Good evening, sir!" Zelda said cheerily.

"Bah, humbug!" the man snorted. "You young hooligans are always ruining everything! Global warming, tigers becoming endangered, Catherine Zeta-Jones winning the Oscar, everything is your fault!"

"Excuse me sir, not only are you making no sense, but I think that was very out of line to say to this girl who was only trying to be polite," Link growled. "Apologize."

"No," he said resolutely, folding his arms.

Zelda put a hand on Link's arm to stop him from retorting, and muttered, "Let me handle this." Then, looking over Link at the elderly man she said, "Sir, are you feeling all right this evening?"

"Fine, just fine!" he said loudly.

"Oh, you'll never get anywhere with _that_ attitude!" Zelda laughed. In a sing-song voice she added, "No one likes a frowny face, change it for a smile! … oh no, I forgot the rest of the words…"

Link and Roy stared at her. So did the old man, who looked as if he had never smiled in his entire life.

"You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not pout I'm telling you why," she said softly. "Santa Claus is coming to town."

Still no reaction.

"He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty and nice, Santa Claus is coming to town!"

Link caught on and joined her for the next part.

"He sees you when you're sleeping! He knows when you're awake!"

Grinning with amusement, Roy also joined them for, "He knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sake!"

A few people around them also caught on to the trend, and soon the entire mezzanine had begun singing. By the time the song had reached the people rehearsing in the orchestra pit, the old man was laughing so hard he looked as if he might bust. When it seemed the song was finally over, for the first time in Broadway history, the whole audience was clapping before the show had even started.

"Wow, they must be really pumped," Michelle Federer said backstage.

"Thank you, Miss!" the old guy chuckled. "I haven't smiled like this in years!"

"It shows," Link said, before getting elbowed by Zelda who muttered, "Don't be rude to him!"

"Just happy to spread the Christmas joy!" she said happily. "Try and do the same, won't you?"

"Sure, sure!" he said, still grinning broadly.

"I guess it's a good thing we finally learned that song yesterday," Link said out of the corner of his mouth. "I know Mrs. Claus learned it, but…"

"I know," Zelda giggled. "I never knew the words until the grocery store thing…"

"What happened at the grocery store?" Roy asked.

"Well there was a really long line to buy our stuff," Zelda said, "and there was some kind of problem with the… the music, I don't know, and it kept repeating that song over and over again, so we heard it about six times in a row."

Roy's laughter was drowned out by the loud beginning of the overture and dragon special effects. And so it was that they saw Wicked.

&-

A/N: And there we go. Not much to this chapter, but it's all I could do! Don't hurt me! I'd like to thank**Ryu the Dragon Demon** for allowing me to use the microwave thing! Totally not my own, original idea! Last but most certainly not least, if you love me, you will read this **important notice:** **please tell me your favorite pairing in the Harry Potter series! I am really interested! It could be something totally messed up, like McGonagall and Voldemort, I don't care! I want to know! (my favorite is obviously Harry and Ginny!)**


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